Luckily for us all, we have lemon creme shortbread cookies from a local cafe. And we have an entire box of Petit Fours from a bakery in New Orleans, which is a wonderful long story and I’m completely comfortable with wonderful long stories, but that’s probably a story for another day. Especially after I just got back from seeing “I Am the Baron” at Double Edge Theatre – which was described as an ode to joy – and a journey into the imagination, both indoors and outdoors.
Still, I try, because there’s a certain spinning sensation I get when I’m uncomfortable. It’s not like the vertigo I once got for two weeks with was either positional, or dehydration, or both – and only struck when I was lying down a certain way. Like the way you lie down in the dentist’s chair, or when you’re getting your hair washed at the salon. This isn’t that. This is an imbalance and whooshing sensation. It’s so brief and so specific and so situational that I know without a doubt that it isn’t something physically wrong. I know this because it never happens at home when I’m alone. Often when I’m uncomfortable, or worse, I picture myself at home. Lying with a book, a silly movie, a dog, or a cat. There’s a peace I feel here that I long to feel outside of the home.
I long to sing and dance and do trapeze. Stand up straight, smile with grace, and look you in the eye. I long for the comforts of my much younger self – untethered and free from this aching, spinning anxiety. To feel that sparkle and that power and that comfort in a world that’s big enough for me, and I for it. Instead of all these shifting, grating, growing pains. C is for comfort..
I’m uncomfortable publishing this without you knowing all 154,822 things that probably make me uncomfortable. As if by narrowing it to ten, I’m forgetting pieces of myself, and not showing my full picture. Let’s be honest, though. This is an 11+ years work-in-progress and it’s all been coming out for years, and always will. It’s ok if you don’t know that selling myself makes me uncomfortable, and it’s SO WEIRD that I apply and pitch and sell myself every single day.
Ten Things That Make Me Uncomfortable:
1 – Confrontation always makes me uncomfortable. I don’t like to start it, I don’t like to be on the receiving end of it, (although I can certainly turn that around and get quite fiery), and I don’t like being around it. I tend to shrink down and try to disappear around confrontation.
2 – I’m uncomfortable driving at night! I used to be so good at it too, but that ship sailed when I was way too young for it to sail. I’m totally fine with my driving glasses, though. Whew.
3 – When you’re walking toward a door and you can see someone walking toward the door from the other side, and you’re just not in the mood to figure out the logistics of that one.
4 – When you’re out in public in general, and there are people around, and you’re just not in the mood to figure out the logistics of that one. Of course you all know I do possess the ability to dazzle and be dazzled by others, and to thrive on that energy and give it as well.
5 – Technical stuff makes me super uncomfortable. Like intense photo editing (which I should never admit), and anything to do with pretty much.. anything backend on my blog.
6 – I’m uncomfortable doing things that are hard, work wise – like taking on new challenges that turn me inside out. I’m also uncomfortable NOT doing things that are hard, work wise – and staying too comfortable. That’s why it’s so good to have a blog and to take on photography clients and to be a parent and to say “yes” to the strange and wonderful things that come my way. Sometimes writing is like fluid motion – as if the words were imprinted in my DNA – and always meant to find their way here. I know that, and maybe you know that. Yet a new writing assignment from anyone but myself causes panic. Don’t get me started on new photo clients!
7 – Close talkers and audible eaters.
8 – I cannot handle putting things together! I did an IKEA bookshelf by myself once, and it was a disaster. Something in my brain glazes over when I read instructions. It takes a LOT of love (or money) for me to get motivated to DIY things. I will do LEGO – when I have to – and Des, at least, thinks I’m amazing at them.
9 – Can we talk about food right now? Forget my discomfort at “drinking the water” in new places. I also can’t eat food that looks like it did when it was alive! I can eat lobster ravioli, but don’t slap a bib on me and make me eat a lobster! Crab cakes = good. Crab legs = no fly. I also can’t really eat animals that I love. (no offense to our chickens.. but we don’t eat ours)
10 – I’m really uncomfortable in crowds. In fact, I often slip and say, “I hate people!” And that makes people laugh, but it’s not the full story. I hate crowds of people, and especially in traffic. When I know people and can see the sparks in their eyes and hear their stories.. no.. I don’t hate people. I get super edgy in crowds sometimes, though. It mostly goes with anxiety.
Honorable mentions go to humidity (although I love my hair wild), tight clothes (sometimes taking off my pants or my bra are the best parts of the day), being the center of attention (unless I want to be, and not like.. when I’m a patient or a therapy client), and 154,000 things!
I’m linking up with Finish The Sentence Friday (FTSF) for another great prompt. This week’s topic is “Uncomfortable..” And there’s time to write yours. Link up your post HERE.