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C is for Cookie…

…and lack of cookies is uncomfortable for me.

I'm linking up with Finish The Sentence Friday (FTSF) for another great prompt. This week's topic is Uncomfortable.. Write it in listicle form and link up!

Luckily for us all, we have lemon creme shortbread cookies from a local cafe. And we have an entire box of Petit Fours from a bakery in New Orleans, which is a wonderful long story and I’m completely comfortable with wonderful long stories, but that’s probably a story for another day. Especially after I just got back from seeing “I Am the Baron” at Double Edge Theatre – which was described as an ode to joy – and a journey into the imagination, both indoors and outdoors.

Truly. I am nearly without words at this point of the night, after this kind of day.

I'm linking up with Finish The Sentence Friday (FTSF) for another great prompt. This week's topic is Uncomfortable.. Write it in listicle form and link up!

Still, I try, because there’s a certain spinning sensation I get when I’m uncomfortable. It’s not like the vertigo I once got for two weeks with was either positional, or dehydration, or both – and only struck when I was lying down a certain way. Like the way you lie down in the dentist’s chair, or when you’re getting your hair washed at the salon. This isn’t that. This is an imbalance and whooshing sensation. It’s so brief and so specific and so situational that I know without a doubt that it isn’t something physically wrong. I know this because it never happens at home when I’m alone. Often when I’m uncomfortable, or worse, I picture myself at home. Lying with a book, a silly movie, a dog, or a cat. There’s a peace I feel here that I long to feel outside of the home.

white cat and boy

I long to sing and dance and do trapeze. Stand up straight, smile with grace, and look you in the eye. I long for the comforts of my much younger self – untethered and free from this aching, spinning anxiety. To feel that sparkle and that power and that comfort in a world that’s big enough for me, and I for it. Instead of all these shifting, grating, growing pains. C is for comfort..

..and that’s almost enough for me. Once I get that back, what dreams may come?

headbands for hope

I’m uncomfortable publishing this without you knowing all 154,822 things that probably make me uncomfortable. As if by narrowing it to ten, I’m forgetting pieces of myself, and not showing my full picture. Let’s be honest, though. This is an 11+ years work-in-progress and it’s all been coming out for years, and always will. It’s ok if you don’t know that selling myself makes me uncomfortable, and it’s SO WEIRD that I apply and pitch and sell myself every single day.

I do it in manageable, palatable bites. Little by little, I’m learning the way.

selfie

Ten Things That Make Me Uncomfortable:

1 – Confrontation always makes me uncomfortable. I don’t like to start it, I don’t like to be on the receiving end of it, (although I can certainly turn that around and get quite fiery), and I don’t like being around it. I tend to shrink down and try to disappear around confrontation.

2 – I’m uncomfortable driving at night! I used to be so good at it too, but that ship sailed when I was way too young for it to sail. I’m totally fine with my driving glasses, though. Whew.

Shelburne Falls Bridge of Flowers

3 – When you’re walking toward a door and you can see someone walking toward the door from the other side, and you’re just not in the mood to figure out the logistics of that one.

4 – When you’re out in public in general, and there are people around, and you’re just not in the mood to figure out the logistics of that one. Of course you all know I do possess the ability to dazzle and be dazzled by others, and to thrive on that energy and give it as well.

Sometimes, though, I have my awkward, low confidence, feeling worthless days.

5 – Technical stuff makes me super uncomfortable. Like intense photo editing (which I should never admit), and anything to do with pretty much.. anything backend on my blog.

6 – I’m uncomfortable doing things that are hard, work wise – like taking on new challenges that turn me inside out. I’m also uncomfortable NOT doing things that are hard, work wise – and staying too comfortable. That’s why it’s so good to have a blog and to take on photography clients and to be a parent and to say “yes” to the strange and wonderful things that come my way. Sometimes writing is like fluid motion – as if the words were imprinted in my DNA – and always meant to find their way here. I know that, and maybe you know that. Yet a new writing assignment from anyone but myself causes panic. Don’t get me started on new photo clients!

7 – Close talkers and audible eaters.

8 – I cannot handle putting things together! I did an IKEA bookshelf by myself once, and it was a disaster. Something in my brain glazes over when I read instructions. It takes a LOT of love (or money) for me to get motivated to DIY things. I will do LEGO – when I have to – and Des, at least, thinks I’m amazing at them.

9 – Can we talk about food right now? Forget my discomfort at “drinking the water” in new places. I also can’t eat food that looks like it did when it was alive! I can eat lobster ravioli, but don’t slap a bib on me and make me eat a lobster! Crab cakes = good. Crab legs = no fly. I also can’t really eat animals that I love. (no offense to our chickens.. but we don’t eat ours)

10 – I’m really uncomfortable in crowds. In fact, I often slip and say, “I hate people!” And that makes people laugh, but it’s not the full story. I hate crowds of people, and especially in traffic. When I know people and can see the sparks in their eyes and hear their stories.. no.. I don’t hate people. I get super edgy in crowds sometimes, though. It mostly goes with anxiety.

Zotos Agebeautiful

Honorable mentions go to humidity (although I love my hair wild), tight clothes (sometimes taking off my pants or my bra are the best parts of the day), being the center of attention (unless I want to be, and not like.. when I’m a patient or a therapy client), and 154,000 things!

And my list of things that make me comfortable is double this amount!

I’m linking up with Finish The Sentence Friday (FTSF) for another great prompt. This week’s topic is “Uncomfortable..” And there’s time to write yours. Link up your post HERE.

So, what makes you uncomfortable?

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20 Comments

  1. We really are twins as I was scrolling down and reading your list, I was nodding along as most of what you shared that makes you uncomfortable is what makes me uncomfortable, as well, especially the honorable mentions of tight fitting clothing. I mean somedays I just can’t wait to take my bra off and just put my comfy clothes back on and relax, too!! 🙂

  2. I share many of your “uncomfortables.” I don’t like having to spend large sums of money. I get uncomfortable when things go wrong with my website. In fact, anything I don’t know how to go about solving makes me uncomfortable. And agree with Janine on the too tight clothes.. I hate that!

  3. Audible eaters or open mouth chewers make me angry. Seriously ruins my meals. Now that’s out there….. I need lemon short bread cookies STAT!

  4. Hi Tamara, I honestly could have written that list myself!… I’m only truly comfortable and relaxed in my own home or walking the dogs up in the hills. Being around people exhausts me…Surprises make me really uncomfortable too, people who know me know not to surprise me… Noisy places make me uncomfortable… And August in Greece makes me very uncomfortable!

    xx

  5. WE ARE SO MUCH ALIKE IN SO MANY WAYS!! I nodded through ALL of these, Tamara! Seriously- ME TOO. I love this- I love you!

  6. Your list is perfect. Audible eaters are horrible and yucky and so are crowds and doing backend blog stuff, and and and. I don’t get the spinning sensation when I’m uncomfortable, but I get either shaky or a little sick to my stomach. I know what you mean about not sharing the 154,822 things you’re uncomfortable with! And OH! Driving at night! I used to love it but now I need glasses to be able to do so and even with them, it makes me uncomfortable.

    1. The spins! They’re the worst. It’s like you can’t see straight. I get it when crying sometimes.
      Driving at night is something I have always loved but now I love and hate. Mostly love.

  7. I can relate to #’s 1,5,9, and 2 when l’m night driving in an unfamiliar area. Once l begin #8 l can finish the task, but the assembly process can sometimes be slow and painstaking. Here’s one….l’m uncomfortable with mixing up or forgetting different usernames and passwords and l have several of them. So, l’ll write them down and misplace the list. More discomfort! Oh Well… Feeling uncomfortable always gives you a good excuse for more rainbow sprinkles on your cookies Tamara!

  8. Your “uncomfortables” are hilarious. I can totally relate to many of them, especially the one about crowds. I do not like being in crowds. Also, when I was younger driving at night didn’t bother me at all. Now it makes me uncomfortable. I wonder why age changes things like that…

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