I hope that doesn’t sound melodramatic, because surely it will be within a week or so, and I never even took a break when I went to Florida, twice, or when I gave birth to a baby who spent a week in the NICU. Clearly, I won’t be gone for long. It’s just that with the wedding photos to edit from last week, and a few new shoots, a trip to REALLY see moose, and several scheduled posts on the horizon.. well, I have tonight, tonight, tonight. I never blog on Saturdays, but tonight is a new night.
Reading: “Summer Secrets” by Jane Green. I also have the new Jennifer Weiner book from the library! The last one made me positively want to sob, because it was about a mother losing control to anxiety & addiction and I related to the anxiety.
Planning: To buy a new computer, which I thought was years away, but is not. A trip to Maine, which is only a week away! Another trip to Florida for early 2016. I should be planning my fall/winter wardrobe because sundresses are no more.
Stressing: Nothing seems horribly stressful so much as weird. I was stressed about photographing weddings, getting into the HerStories book, and being able to afford a new camera and computer, but all such worries are now completely gone. I stress about restlessness and early sunsets and how to keep the momentum going. I stress about dentist appointments and still about money. I stress about holding up too many things at once, and what happens if they all fall down? Like London Bridges.
Wishing: For a lakeside log cabin in Maine, a dozen or so moose, a new puppy, a new kitten, babies for other people, shooting stars and northern lights, a bar of chocolate, for Dinah to come back home again, and for a new camera and computer.
Feeling: A little numb, actually, and not all emotional and intense like I usually am. Sometimes the default setting needs a refresh and a reset. Also it felt like cold November rain today and I haven’t seen the sun in awhile. I’m really thirsty but also really full because I spent my day running around and came home to a fabulous home-cooked meal by Cassidy.
Listening: See video above! Listen. Smile.
Thinking: About the cold November rain, in October. Also of a really great dessert, a really great bubble bath, a really great smile, a sexy laugh, the way I have felt disconnected from Des lately, and how to get him back to me, and also of kittens. A fuzzy, new kitten. Also, a guy I knew when I was 14, how to change the world bit by bit, and if I’ll go prematurely gray. Also, why is it so cold out? Where can I get a slice of pie at this hour? Will I be ok for tomorrow’s newborn shoot?
Loving: I couldn’t even begin to explain but I’m loving how often I’ve been getting high on life. And yes, it’s a real feeling with symptoms and there are no substances involved, although I’m sure there could be and it wouldn’t ruin it.
Wearing: It would be awesome if I could lie and tell you I was wearing a really sexy sundress, right? I’m not. I’m wearing a Hurley hoodie and star pants. That’s right. Star pants. And grey socks with autumn leaves on them.
Hoping: To stay in a groove. I feel more awake and alive lately than I have in years. That makes me worry I’ll fall back into a hole. I want to keep fighting anxiety and taking names, achieving life goals, traveling, upgrading, raising happy kids and getting better at blogging and photography. Mostly, it’s walking into schools without fear of panic attacks. It’s waking up and knowing, “Hey, I’ve got this.” It’s feeling more capable than I’ve ever felt. I hope for a good newborn shoot tomorrow.
OK, so love seeing you on a Saturday night and by the way I am now humming November Rain and hearing Axel Rose’s voice in my head thanks to you this Saturday night!! 😉
I’ve had it in my head for days! And now.. today.. the sun came out. It had been ages!! It felt so great!!
I could say soooo much….but you’re right. Doctor Who is waiting…
(ps – not overly impressed by the sonic sunglasses…they happen to be the same brand my ex wears…so,I have the irresistible urge to snatch them off his face and stomp on them. Luckily he’s inside most of the time…)
Say it now? How was Doctor Who for you?
I could totally why you’d want to snatch them off his face! Slap them off his face!
I enjoyed the first one better…maybe the second half will draw me in…but truth be told, I fell asleep before the final ten minutes.
Sounds like me! Cassidy can’t BELIEVE I fall asleep during TV shows and movies. I can’t BELIEVE he doesn’t!
Such awesome things coming together for you, and while I’ll miss your in-the-moment posts, you deserve a break, and to see moose! Enjoy and celebrate this time.
Thank you! We still have to.. book the trip. I like living on the edge, though.
And who knows? You may hear from me this week. Anything is possible!
I haven’t read one of these posts in a while. I can’t believe you’ve put the sundresses away already. We’re still here in tank tops and shorts because our weather is so nice. I’m telling you that you need to take a trip here. We wanted to go back to FL next year but we’re heading to Canada instead but thinking we might do Disney for a week in October so we can do the Mikey Not So Scarey Halloween Party. We’ll see. 🙂
It’s already quite cold here! So sad. And even the warmer days are only 70 and then down to 40 at night so no more sundresses. So sad!
We’ll definitely do Florida again, but I think Canada sounds pretty amazing.
Just watched Doctor Who! Not sure I’m liking the sonic sunglasses, but I do kind of like these cliffhanger episodes. A lakeside log cabin in Maine does sound lovely 🙂
The cliffhangers are good! And then Saturdays come again so fast.
Another blog friend was just telling me she wasn’t sure about the sunglasses!
Your cat is still missing? I’m so sorry. I am too tired to blog tonight, even though I need to. Maybe tomorrow. Or we might drop a surprise trip to Disney on the kids and leave the next day. We will see….
Yes! It’s been over a week. I gravitate between being hopeful she’ll show up again, to giving up hope and wanting a new one. I guess I started to really like having a cat around. Who knew?
sounds like some fun trips going on – GL seeing some moose – 🙂
You may get another dog? sorry about your cat missing xoxo
I always want new puppies and kittens, but my brain often takes over! We’ll have to see. I really miss my cat but I still am hopeful she’ll come back.
I wish your kitty would return. 🙁 I am so sad for you.
On a happier note, it sounds like you have lots of fun trips planned! I’m hoping I will see a moose on one of trips North to see our son at college. He’s up near the Canadian border.
Thanks, Michelle! It’s been over a week. I’m still hopeful because my friend’s cat ran away for a MONTH and got returned to her last week. We shall see.
I hope you see moose! Dawn and dusk!
It’s now Sunday morning Tamara, and I hope your newborn photo shoot later today will be a Great one, and a lot of fun for everyone! With all of your thinking and planning and wishing and hoping and composing your blogs your mind has been in overdrive and you have a busy week ahead. I know you will accomplish everything you have your heart set on during this week of “Doing” all those scheduled deeds, and with plenty of time to spare for your popcorn and ice cream indulgences!
And now it’s Sunday evening and I think it went well! The little one was so alert the whole time. No crying or sleeping. I really love lifestyle newborn sessions. They’re always so calm and warm.
I can’t wait for some popcorn and/or ice cream. Or maybe cookies.. now that it’s fall..
These currently posts are my faves. I love hearing that you feel more awake and alive and the stresses over the camera and computer are working out in your favor. Enjoy your trip to Maine!
I know a few bloggers who do these posts monthly. I think it might benefit me to do the same!
I love currently posts! They really give you a view into a blogger’s life and psyche!
Yes! And I Love that no matter when you write them, it makes a huge difference on the outcome. I often feel differently at night than morning. I wrote this one at night.
A new computer sounds exciting!!! I hope you all enjoy your upcoming trip and see some Moose 🙂
Thank you! I will definitely be updating here shortly. I just know I’ll see moose this time.
And the new computer blows my mind.
So I was told by a professional in the business that you should expect to get 3 years out of your computer. Put a piece of tape on the bottom with the date when you buy, so you can see when 3 years is coming. As you near that point, be diligent about back-up, because “it” is coming. And I love “babies for other people”… that’s me too.
Now you’re talking! Before now, I never could afford a new one. I inherited my grandfather’s iMac. It’s from 2010 but surprisingly still strong! That said, it’s time to get a new one.
So glad to hear that you’re feeling well Tamara! Exciting stuff going on for you: the HerStories book, the photography, the trip. You’re doing great!
The HerStores book for you too!
And thank you! I hope I continue on the upswing because I really needed it.
I was one of two couples driving through Maine on the way to Quebec. It was after sunset when we found this little motel in the woods. We stayed in a two bedroom log cabin. Awakening in the morning, I walked outside to discover it was also on a lake! Hold tight to that dream, Tamara 🙂
Tell me more! Moose??? Sunrises??
lol fortunately no moose, but there was a logging company nearby, and I saw a half a lake of logs floating to the mill. It was impressive.
Ah, that sounds very cool!!
Loved this little glimpse inside your head on a Saturday night (even if I am reading it Monday afternoon)!
Which makes it funny because I read it again today and in only two days, my brain and heart feel so differently!
I love Currently post! Enjoy your break – you most definitely deserver it. The new Weiner book is very different form her as one It’s a romance. It was good. I read summer secrets too – and it was tough but good.
Ooh, a romance! I’m very slow with Summer Secrets right now. It’s two weeks overdue at the library and the Jennifer Weiner one is now overdue too! Oops! Think I can finish them by next week??
Such a great post. And I’m grateful that you mention feeling disconnected from Des lately. I’ve been going through the same thing with L. Hopefully it’s just a 3-year-old, second child thing and it will be over soon.
I hope so! And I’m glad you talked about it too. It’s very strange. I remember feeling that way with Scarlet, though, at the same age. Although I had a newborn then! So it’s interesting to hear from you because you have a third!
I’m missing short skirts and sleeveless shirts. I love my corduroy pants, but I’m not sure if I am supposed to wear them to work. Fall fashion is cozy, but complicated!
I say corduroy pants are always acceptable! By the way, where did you get good ones? My kids have great ones but I never see adult ones.
I love more than anything that you are experiencing such amazing life HIGHS and it surely seems you are living in the “Zone”… where joy and purpose intersect. I am SO so so so SO happy for you!!
Don’t fret about the crash, the hole, or the dip… just ride high on the wave, my friend. Embrace it, celebrate it, and LIVE it.
Thank you, my loveliness! The anxiety still sneaks up, of course, and the self doubt – but they’re different somehow. It’s all ever-evolving. Just riding high!
Oh wow, so many trips going on. Can’t wait to hear about your adventures. Also, it’s pretty exciting that you got a new camera and that you’re getting a new computer. My computer is busted as of the moment and I really want to get a new one, but ugh.. priorities. 😉
Oh no! I wish I could give YOU a computer! I get it about priorities. This one is five years old, which is ancient in computer world.
You definitely deserve a new computer! Especially that most of your work like writing & photo editing depend on it. Mine got busted because it overheated. Good thing it’s just the power supply though. Nothing’s really wrong with the rest of the parts. I’m waiting to get a replacement within the week. Whew!
I’m so glad the computer issue isn’t too bad. I hope you got your replacement parts and you’re up and running now!
Do you need some time…on your own
Do you need some time…all alone
Everybody needs some time… on their own
Don’t you know you need some time…all alone
totally sang it in my head. not that I wasn’t listening, because you know I get you. What I wouldn’t give for that cabin too, and a day in a smelly marsh full of hope for a sighting! but just to walk among the pines would be sublime too. Life is about to get hectic here too, I gotta get some writing done and posts scheduled. But I am taking a leap with something and I hope I don’t fall; but it’s that completely thrilling sense of excitement, anticipation and holy @#&$ what have I done?!
Ah, smelly marshes! What I need.. is to go without my two kids. Ideally. Maybe without cranky Cassidy too. Then I’d need thigh-high galoshes and a 200-500mm lens.
Wanna come?
I’d love to … how do you feel about 12 Girl Guides tagging along? I’m sure there is a badge for Moose Sightings! ha
IN.
I love the way you write so much, you know? I think it’s because I just GET IT and it touches me and it doesn’t feel overdone or too well planned but it’s just so absolutely perfect.
I think it’s normal to feel a disconnect from people and in our lives sometimes. I think and hope that’s the case in any event. Also I love all of your wishes 🙂
Confession: I learned to play the violin because I always wanted to do the violin solo in November Rain. Even though I know it would never sound as dramatic and cool as it does in the actual song, I just loved it so much 🙂 Thanks for making me think of this song again today.
Thank you! It’s so not planned but the not overdone part really makes me smile so much.
The disconnect.. I have to believe it’s for a reason. And often, it comes back to how it should be.
I love your violin story so much.
I often wonder if I wasn’t riding a crest what simple things would ground me. And I wonder when I feel grounded, what small lift would bring me high? I think we’re all just part of the ebb and flow and it’s good to bang out a blog when you’re in the midst of it. I’m glad you did.
Yes! I can’t not. And when I’m falling in the waves, through them, under them, I bang out blog posts then too.