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Are We Having Fun Yet?

I crossed into the threshold of seven months pregnant last week. I like the way it sounds. There are people who have never experienced pregnancy, or have forgotten what it’s like, and when I speak in weeks, they look at me like I’m crazy. However, if you go through pregnancy, it really is a week-by-week process. Things change a whole lot in a week. Sometimes your baby has hair he/she didn’t have last week. Always, they have fat and inches they didn’t have last week. They gain entire skills in a week. They go upside down and then right side up. They learn motor control and flex their muscles and practice breathing. Things they didn’t do a week ago. So I speak mostly in weeks. “I’m 32-33 weeks pregnant,” sounds good to me. I hear that and hear more than 75% done with the process. The math is easy. A proposed 40 weeks. 32-33 is kinda far.

Seven months sound farther. And yet, of course, I feel like 40 weeks is forever away.

This sometimes comes as a surprise to many people, because I KNOW I do pregnancy well, but I don’t enjoy it at all. I know I look fit and healthy. I may even “glow” at times. I don’t have complications, at least not “real” ones. I have many in my head, of course. My children tend to measure exactly on time. My daughter was born on her due date. I know it’s too early to call this one a full-term baby, but hey, I know I can get to at least seven months with no sign of eviction/escape.

Yet, I rarely enjoy pregnancy. The beginning is hard and scary. The middle is actually pretty nice but lumpy and awkward. The end is uncomfortable, a little achy and on tenderhooks. For me. And this time was harder around. I confess that in the beginning, I really thought I was having Scarlet #2 again. It was my only frame of reference! And things have in no way turned out that way, except for the relative good health and the fact that biologically again, my body seems pretty good at this. No stretch marks (yet), no weight gain anywhere except the stomach. I never thought I could be so happy to have a boy. In the very beginning, I wanted another girl mainly for the economic standpoint – just getting to reuse everything. I also thought it was the only possibility. Some women are girl moms and some are certified male carriers. I never thought I could be a one of each mom. It honestly never crossed my mind. As a child, sure, I fantasized about one of each. For years I had a mental picture of a shaggy-haired (no crewcuts here..EVER) son, who appreciated music or dinosaurs or legos. And then we had Scarlet, who so very much appreciates music and dinosaurs and legos. And she is girlier than girl. And she is amazing. And I guess I forgot..until that 20 week ultrasound. And since then, although I don’t fear this the way I did last time, I’m positive the ultrasound technician was right in identifying the correct sex. And yet if she were wrong, I’d be so pissed!

I want my boy!

I can’t speak for Cassidy, but for me, a lot of it was about finding a name we’re in love with. There were some he liked a lot that I was wary of, and a few that I really loved but he didn’t, and none of those could have happened. There’s no compromising in baby naming. You both have to be enamored and proud and 100% in agreement. We had Scarlet Bella picked out when we were dating! We were really lucky to have a girl first to use that. Our current name took longer, only in that we had to figure it out while already pregnant! And since we didn’t want to come up with two names we were in love with, we had to wait until after 20 weeks. And it didn’t come right away. It had to grow on us and make us love it madly.

I think I knew all along things would be slightly harder. Like seven weeks of nausea to Scarlet’s…maybe three days of it. Failing the one hour glucose screening. And I think I knew all along too that once those specific things passed, maybe nothing else would be harder. Maybe easier. I predict an easier birth, even though last one was pretty easy. I predict less time at the hospital and a smoother transition from labor and delivery into a shower, a good meal and a baby in my arms.

I hope I’m right and I think I’m right, but even so, it’s time to spend these last two months enjoying the smiles in public and the doors being held for me. It’s time to enjoy every baby kick a little more. I’m not sure I’ll ever have the guts to do this again, and I’m not sure we’ll have the means. I’m only 31, so never say never. Yet, I believe…these last two months (give or take) should be enjoyed because I may not be blessed this way ever again. And it really is such a miracle. All of it.

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2 Comments

  1. Yes! Yay!Shaggy haired boys are GREAT! But mine BEG for crewcuts! Because all of their friends have them.So in summer months we acquiesce. And it really is easier in the sun and pool months. AND when the horrible notes get sent home from school about LICE in the classroom (yes at Jefferson School) I PRAISE the heavens I have boys who's hair can be cut down to nothing without them being ridiculed (just as thankfully we've never had to do it).I missed having a little girl, but economically for us it was better to have two boys. Our girl name was picked at the beginning of time "Sophie" who never made it to us. I felt the same way at the end of my second pregnancy – enjoyed every kick and push – everything. AND the joy of holding my last baby when he was born. I did belly casts of both my pregnancies. Both are really different from each other and both beautiful.Currently both are in our attic (praying that nothing has gotten to them) hopefully one day I'll be able to do some art on them and hang them in my office. To remember the days when my big belly was for a purpose. When it sheltered new life that has blossomed into two amazing boys!Congratulations on living in the moment and enjoying it as much as it can be enjoyed by you.

  2. So much of what you write about resonates with me – it's crazy! Ok ready? I'm also 31, having my second and MOST likely the last baby (only we didn't find out who we're having) – I have a strong feeling its a boy – definitely a harder, more intense pregnancy, and gosh this baby can kick! My daughter Liana was born on her due date 🙂 and as for being pregnant in general I always said the same thing: I fare very well, no complications, I look good, feel good (for the most part), but I definitely don't LOVE it. It something I agree to endure for the greater good haha. Never understood the ladies who say they love being pregnant. That's just not realistic to me. It's cool and strange and awesome in a sense but I'm not doing it again if I can help it 🙂 that's why I'm thoroughly enjoying this last days of my last pregnancy!

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