How Parents Can Support a Child Experiencing Anxiety About School
For many children, school can be a source of friendship, learning and confidence. However, it can also be a significant source of anxiety. Exams, academic pressure, friendships, bullying, changes in routine or simply feeling different from their peers can all contribute to worries about school. While some anxiety is a normal part of growing up, persistent anxiety can begin to affect a child’s mental health, confidence and ability to attend school.
For parents, recognising the signs early and offering the right support can help prevent anxiety from becoming overwhelming, and potentially reduce the risk of a child developing unhealthy ways of coping.
Recognising the Signs of School Anxiety
Children do not always have the words to explain that they are anxious. Instead, their worries may appear through changes in behaviour or physical symptoms.
A child might become tearful, irritable or withdrawn, struggle to sleep, complain of headaches or stomach aches, or become particularly distressed on school mornings. Older children may avoid school, struggle to concentrate or repeatedly worry about negative outcomes.
These symptoms should not simply be dismissed as laziness or attention-seeking. Anxiety can feel very real and overwhelming to a child, even when adults cannot immediately see what is causing it.
Start With Listening
One of the most valuable things a parent can do is create a safe opportunity for their child to talk.
Rather than immediately trying to solve the problem, listen and ask gentle questions. Find out whether they are worried about lessons, exams, friendships, bullying, teachers or something happening outside school.
It is important to avoid dismissing their concerns with phrases such as ‘there’s nothing to worry about’. Reassuring a child that their feelings are being taken seriously can help them feel less alone.
The NHS recommends talking openly with children about their worries and working with them to find practical solutions.
Work With the School
Parents do not have to deal with school anxiety alone. Speaking to a teacher, pastoral lead, school nurse or SENCO can help identify potential problems and establish appropriate support.
Depending on the circumstances, this could include having a trusted adult to speak to when the child arrives, access to a quiet space, adjustments to workload or support with friendships.
If anxiety is leading to school avoidance, a collaborative approach between the family and school can be particularly important. Taking small, manageable steps may be more effective than putting a child under pressure to overcome everything at once.
The Risk of Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
When anxiety feels overwhelming, children and teenagers may look for ways to escape or numb difficult emotions.
This can sometimes lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms. Depending on their age and circumstances, this might include withdrawing from others, excessive use of screens, self-destructive behaviour, disordered eating or, particularly as they become older, experimenting with alcohol or drugs.
This does not mean that a child experiencing anxiety will automatically develop an addiction or substance misuse problem. After all, not every child with anxiety ends up in a drug treatment centre. However, learning healthy ways to manage difficult emotions from an early age can help reduce reliance on harmful coping strategies later.
Parents can encourage alternatives such as exercise, creative activities, talking to someone they trust, relaxation techniques and maintaining regular routines.
Avoid Making Anxiety Worse
It can be tempting to remove every situation that makes a child anxious. While protecting them may feel like the natural response, completely avoiding difficult situations can sometimes allow anxiety to become more powerful.
Instead, parents can work with their child to take manageable steps towards situations they find difficult, while providing reassurance and encouragement.
This should be done sensitively rather than through force or punishment. The aim is to build confidence, not create additional fear.
Knowing When to Seek Professional Help
If anxiety is persistent, getting worse or interfering with school, family life, friendships or everyday activities, professional support may be appropriate.
A GP can provide advice, while schools can help connect families with relevant support services. Children and young people’s mental health services can also provide specialist support where appropriate.
Most importantly, parents should remember that they do not need to have all the answers. Listening, taking concerns seriously and seeking support early can make a significant difference.
Helping a child understand that anxiety is something they can learn to manage, rather than something they have to escape from, can give them valuable coping skills that remain with them long after their school years.
