Back then I blogged three times a week, and only with original content. It was so hard and often I’d stay up so late, missing life left and right, because I was so neurotic about every photo and every word. Every piece of coding had to be just so.
Last year at this time, we had just celebrated my niece’s Baptism, and it was our first one. It was peaceful and meaningful and when we heard sirens during the ceremony, Des yelled “FIRETRUCK” in church and I couldn’t stop giggling.
I got up early, put on my dress for the Baptism and went outside without a jacket or boots to photograph it all. I was still nervous then, of stifled heat and open conversations. Of enclosed spaces and places in which you should be quiet. All of that went out the window, of course, with a toddler yelling, “FIRETRUCK” and the ability to laugh and breathe.
The good thing about being a full year behind in photos means that I get to relive everything I went through, and be so thankful that I got from there to here. From here to there. It’s not that you haven’t seen current photos, but I mostly pick and choose ones to edit along the way, and the bulk of them slip through the cracks and are sent to the waiting line.
If you had told me a year ago that this year, I would be able to book a Disney resort vacation with my own money, I wouldn’t have believed you. I wouldn’t have known the working machine I was about to become with both blogging and photography. I would never have known how often I’d say “yes”, first to surprise myself, and second to achieve new dreams.
I wouldn’t have known that I’d one day be able to walk into Scarlet’s school with only a slight hint of trepidation, or even excitement, and nothing like the brinks of full-blown panic that I experienced way too many times last year.
I wouldn’t have known about the friends I already had that would grow closer, and the ones I hadn’t yet discovered. I wouldn’t have known how good it would feel to drop everything for a pie bar date or a round of Cards Against Humanity.
I wouldn’t have known just had sick a relationship can get, embedded into the framework of nearly everything you’ve tried and failed to build. I wouldn’t have known that it’s not really the end of the world and never too late to build.
And that the world would get crazier yet, each and every day, but with new opportunities to see the glaring good.
I didn’t know that both of my sisters would become pregnant at the same time with boys..
..or that my cat would run away and I’d actually seek out another. Because I miss the warmth.
If you had told me that I’d survive winter long enough to encounter a new one, I’d be only a little surprised. I’d be more surprised by the money in my pocket and the little sun in my heart. I’m just damn thankful for all of it.
Sometimes, my transitions were probably obvious to you, and sometimes maybe not. Some of you dropped off of blogging and are not even reading this. Some of you dropped off of blogging and might still be reading this. My original intent of blogging was this, and as long as I can still do this. As long as you’re still here. I consider that one of the most thankful things I know.
And that goes for everyone, and not just loved ones who are bloggers. I’m feeling very thankful tonight for everybody I know, and what you add to my life. Happy, Happy Thanksgiving to all. You’re in my heart. Here’s Billy Joel for you.