I don’t remember it verbatim, but it was something like.. “I don’t like small talk. I want to talk about atoms, life, death, babies, aliens, galaxies, the meaning of life, insecurities, hamburgers (I made that last one up), & more.” I didn’t fully agree with it, but I appreciated the sentiment. I want to talk about some of those things too. I do like small talk as well, though.
If we were to have coffee this morning, and actually, I am having breakfast with two friends, I’d want it all. I’d tell you about how this post came to me when I was in the shower but lost its momentum along the way because I was afraid to get out of the shower on this 45 degree morning. And that’s where we’d talk about the weather. I’d tell you that I’m a super taster and my breakfast potatoes have onion remnants on them, and that I love, love coffee but I can only do decaf. I’d tell you also, that I can’t really drink coffee OR alcohol and that it’s nothing moral or religious, and it’s certainly not about willpower.
Then I’d tell you about my sensitivities. I’d shift in my seat now because sometimes, I’m fidgety and nervous in real life. And sometimes it’s screaming and not soft, but you can’t even tell. It’s like when I asked the nurse so sweetly and politely, “Please. Can I have an epidural now?” And she said, “Of course you can, but you’re at the end now. You’re at the finish line, and I can’t believe you need it anyway because I’ve never seen someone so polite and calm, and so not in visible pain.”
Then I’d go deeper, after talk about the weather, baseball, breakfast potatoes and why I’m afraid of a third pregnancy. I’d tell you that I believe that I was born with a lot of all-over sensitivity, and that it wasn’t caused by my father’s death. It’s just me. Everything evolves, and then evolves again, and it’s not about who I was when I was born, or even what happened to me. It’s somewhere in the middle – this grey area. It’s how the tragedy affected who I was then, and affects who I am now.
Then I’d wrap up my part of the conversation about my camera and lens delivery coming tomorrow, and about how I’ll unwrap them so delicately and put them in my camera bag. I’ll pack organic beef sticks and protein meal bars, spearmint gum, bottled water, prized lenses and ok lenses. And then I’ll drive to New Jersey again, to my past and to my future, because now I shoot weddings, if you can believe that. I can’t. I’ll tell you that the kids will be all right – riding ponies and loving life – and I’ll be ok. Nervous, fidgety and potentially in pain inside my head, but all right too. More than all right. Excited to try.
And so, after all that small and large talk, I am so excited to participate in Old School Blogging again! Elaine’s theme this month is, “The ABCs Of Me” and you can go link up at her blog post HERE. I never can resist. Here goes:
A – Age: 35, which seems a lot older than 34.
B – Biggest Fear: Vomit, anxiety, cilantro, spinny rides, dying and there’s nothing, dying and there’s something, dying young and leaving behind two kids. You know, the full range of everything. Oh! And not a big fan of snakes at night. Or on a plane.
C – Current time: I started this at 7:50 this morning, but now it’s 10:51am.
D – Drink you last had: I had cold water at Outlook Farm. Boo for not having a nice coffee, without rainbow sprinkles.
E – Easiest Person To Talk to: Probably Scarlet! This morning I told her I loved her shiny hair, and she said, “Well I love your freakin’ face.” She also told me she loves MY hair, all of my sundresses, the food I buy, and my job.
F – Favorite Song: I don’t have one but the music that came on at breakfast this morning was outstanding and Radio Gods-like. My friends thought so too. I’ll just put a video from one of my top ten desert island songs.
G – Grossest Memory: Take your pick. When I got a something stuck up my nose, for months, and had to have it removed by a doctor? Or maybe when I had a weird stomach bug when I was six and slept through.. all of it. My poor bed. My poor parents.
H – Hometown: I lived in Rockaway, NJ for the first five years of my life but did all my schooling, from elementary school to high school, in Roxbury, NJ. Specifically, we lived in Flanders, since Roxbury is giant and full of several towns.
I – In love with: Many people, places and things. Now don’t be alarmed. I believe that you have to fall into love, with everyone you love, platonically or not. That doesn’t mean I want to kiss everyone I love full on the mouth.
J – Jealous Of: People who can just.. you know.. live adventurously and fully without the second-guessing and the nerves. Bonus points that I do mostly do what I want to do, even if it takes longer to get there.
K – Killed Someone?I killed a slug once and I still feel badly about it. I have killed many mosquitoes and ticks and I have not felt bad about those. The slug, though! I can’t think about it.
L – Longest Relationship: Married for seven years!
M – Middle Name: Eden. Tamara Eden sounds right, but Tammy Eden never did.
N – Number of Siblings: Four!
O – One Wish: Good health for ALL! That is physical, mental and emotional health. The world needs it.
P- Person who you last called: Let me check..I called my sister Lindsay on her birthday!
Q – Question you’re always asked: “Where are you from? No, I didn’t mean NJ or San Francisco. I mean.. what nationality?”
R – Reason to smile: We’re going to the BigE today!
S – Song you last sang: “The Living Years” by Mike and the Mechanics.
T – Time you woke up: 7:30, and it wasn’t easy. Everyone was already up and needing me.
U- Underwear Color: Well I was convinced I wore my red and blue Supergirl underwear today, because I love it, but it turns out it’s Victoria’s Secret black with white polka dots and it’s totally nice.
V – Vacation Destination: Alaska! Like.. immediately.
X – X-rays you’ve had: I have dental ones every year or two, right? And I’ve had ultrasounds during pregnancy.
Y – Your favorite food: Mashed potatoes, popcorn, broccoli, fresh fruit, cookies, ice cream, chowder, all breakfast foods..
Z – Zodiac Sign: Leo, but I’m only a few days in. Cancer is the sign right before my birthday.