You know them, right? Sadly, I get most of my best material in the shower, while I’m driving, or when I’m on a walk through the woods or to our far-away mailbox. So I have to keep my hearts and thoughts safely in my mind until I can get to a safe place to jot it down. It used to be a pen and paper – taken everywhere I went. Now it’s the Notes app (is it even an app?) on my iPhone. It holds the secrets to my universe. I swear if anyone ever stole my phone, I wouldn’t care at all about the phone – it’s about the Notes that luckily get sent to my Gmail account too. That is key. The point is – the hearts and thoughts happen.
So the thought. First I came up with some shower notes for a sponsored post for the week. Then I realized that even though I’m in the midst of vacation time and pre-scheduled sponsored posts, I still had something else to say. Something sponsored by love. I realized that yesterday was a day without anxiety. Most days are days without major anxiety. I’d say probably every day is, unless I have a big job or a dentist appointment, or a heady conversation with a loved one. Then I can get the butterflies in my stomach – and sometimes they feel more like angry, fast hornets than sweeping, beneficial butterflies. And it’s true that I’ve had entire years without any significant or even moderate anxiety events.. at all. I’m a deep-feeling person, though. I’m going through a lot. I always am – but this summer has been full of lots of leaps and falls. Good ones, mostly.
At least once a day, I’ll have an anxious thought, or I’ll have a moment I have to breathe through. Maybe my heart races at a phone call, so I have to blow on my thumbs to slow it down. (read it in an article – try it because it works) Or I’ll have a photo or writing job that makes me second guess myself so I’ll have to do five minutes of space and breathing. Actually I’ll always do that anyway because it’s healthy. It’s just that even during great and smooth times, there will be a time in the day in which I have to use an anti-anxiety tool. 9.9 times out of ten, it works so instantly, I don’t even have to go beyond the breathing or maybe some music. If I had to go beyond that, I would. I’d take care of myself. I’ve spent the last year learning.
So thank you yesterday, for dawning unspectacularly seeming, but for being a smooth Saturday. It was our first day as a family since last Sunday because we were in New Jersey for four days and then I took the kids to Boston on Friday for a fun meet up with blogging friends and to go to Legoland Discovery Center. That is a story all on its own – of how I navigated city driving, tired kids, a potty-trained three-year-old in a big city, rush hour traffic and more, without being anxious. Nervous at times, yes. Not anxious. I think that set the stage for yesterday. I worked and read. We all shopped together. We took the kids out to dinner. Cassidy and I watched Wet Hot American Summer. I woke up today and realized I had sailed through a busy week.
A trip to New Jersey and back. A meeting about a wedding I’m photographing. Lots of writing. A traffic-filled trip to Boston and back. And a beautiful Saturday with nary an anxious thought. I’m hoping for many more of those. I hope this is the start.