It’s because it’s always been a time of such birth and death. Everything happens in the fall too, as well as the spring and winter, because everything happens to everyone at all times, and sometimes all at once. I keep notes in my Notes app in my phone and for years I’ve been trying to express something about fall. Memories and stories. How can I tell you what the chill in the air means to me, and all of the sensation and trepidation? I’m no stranger to the warm and cold comforts. My god, do I love flannel shirts, crisp leaves, hot pumpkin coffee, and warm autumn stew. I love the way fall reminds me of childhood – of ill-fitting striped sweatshirts and weekends at home. Soccer games and my mom’s chili simmering evenly on the stove.
I love how it sends you to the future as well. Thinking of your children, and your children’s children trick-or-treating with glee. Thanksgiving tables warming cold November hearts. Thinking of open doors and open arms. Yes. Now isn’t that nice?
The truth is, though, that it keeps me in the present too. Too much sensory goodness. The endless photo shoots and how I pay particular attention to the foliage, the sunset times, and the turning of the earth around the sun. In fall, I swear I can feel it tilting – softly, swiftly, endlessly. In fall I do cool things. It leads to winter, so no one ever realizes just how much I love it. I love summer and I hate winter. Fall should be a transitioning disappointment, or a disappointing transition. Really it’s that pinnacle of change – where the past, present and future meet. Fall is picking up the pieces that summer scattered.
Finish the Sentence Friday’s theme this week is “10 Things About the Changing of the Seasons” and I almost made a list of 10 things I love about the change into fall – like wood-burning smoke and TV premieres – but somewhere along the line it wrote itself differently. Instead, I’m sharing 10 brave/cool/life-changing/soul-shaking things I’ve done in the autumns of my life.
1 – I re-met Cassidy in the fall! We had been apart for two somewhat-horrific years and we had plans to go to Yosemite together and figure out our feelings. We couldn’t wait until early October, though! He flew in for a business trip and I arranged to meet him at JFK Airport, just like where we had met in 2004. There was a bomb scare and he was stuck on his plane. I was pacing the parking lot like a wild tiger. Suddenly, but finally, he was in front of me! He threw his suitcase and lifted me into the air! We drove through NYC streets with the lights swirling. We got into his hotel and heard “Layla.”
2 – Hey, a year ago this week we started the renovation of our house! That’s a big deal! I remember taking a sledgehammer to the wall myself. No regrets there. I can’t wait to see what kinds of magic we’ll bring to this house next.
3 – Speaking of which, we moved here in the fall! It was the year of the Halloween blizzard! So yes, we lost power on our second night here, but hey. Also, I was six weeks pregnant with Des at the time and not feeling my best.
4 – Speaking of which again, I discovered two pregnancies in the fall – one in October (early on) and one in November (already six weeks along). I did two first trimesters in the fall! I’m a freaking warrior, I should say!
5 – I went to Yellowstone in the fall, twice. Forever haunted by the beauty of that place and the things I saw – both at dawn and dusk. Animals straight from Japanese anime films. Gorges and cliffs and boiling geysers and snow on red peacoats, when only the previously day, we were in swimsuits. Take me back to Yellowstone and Grand Tetons. Please please please.
6 – We left San Francisco in the fall. (Who does that?) We also went back to visit a year later, in the fall.
7 – We went to Yosemite in the fall. How could I forget those winding roads, chilly nights, shooting stars, tiny churches, grand, sweeping cliffs, smell of woodsmoke and bacon, warm cabin, thick blanket, and more, with a pumpkin latte in hand?
8 – I met my future in-laws in the fall! Here’s the kicker – they weren’t my in-laws or even my future in-laws. I was broken up with Cassidy for good, I thought, but I didn’t want to be robbed of meeting them too! I know it’s crazy but my mom and I drove up there with vanilla spice lattes, getting fabulously lost in CT, and arriving late at night. They didn’t think it was weird that we went to see them, even with the broken hearts and Cassidy with a new girlfriend. Who knew, my friends?! Also, we got Chicken Fries from Burger King on the way home, listened to “Mandolin Rain”, and my mom let me drive/cry.
9 – We took the kids to see their first moose in the fall. It’s actually the best time to see them because their antlers are so big, before they shed them in the winter. I really, really, really want to go back. Like right now. Tomorrow?
10 – When I was 10 or so, I got this brilliant idea to go trick-or-treating a week after Halloween. My reasoning was that people still had candy they were itching to get rid of to punk kids. We got a ton of candy. We had to give it back and apologize to our neighbors, of course, but that embarrassing moment was worth it. I was enterprising, wasn’t I?
I never thought it would ever go”
This is me linking up, as one of my favorite things to do, with Finish The Sentence Friday. This week’s topic is “10 things about the changing of the seasons..” And there’s still time to write yours. Come link up with your spin: HERE.