Tamara Like Camera

I was also TOTALLY going to write this post next week because I thought that the Finish the Sentence Friday prompt for today was something completely different. And yes, I spent a week ruminating on that one, and then writing it all in 20 minutes – with a flourish, mind you – and I had the prompt wrong. Class act = me. Don’t worry, though. Next week, assuming we’re rolling with that prompt, will be much more organized. I simply can’t wait! This prompt? It will be more disorganized and hasty and written last minute, and jumping from the past to the present.

I know, I think, that my sense of direction is improving. It’s always good when I want to go to where I’m going – and I’m taking the necessary steps to get there. And if not that, at least a confirmed excitement and acceptance for not really knowing where I’m going – but being ok with the process and the journey. I only need one of those things. I know that I’m headed the right way, at least, because last night I fell asleep watching a bad holiday movie (still). Cassidy woke me just before 2:00am because he wanted to watch a Rush documentary (I think?).

And that’s how I knew. It wasn’t an ideal night of sleep for either of us, or anyone, but I had thought I had forever lost my ability to go right back to sleep after middle of the night hauntings and witchings. I had thought that because I hadn’t been doing it lately – instead staring straight up at the ceiling or to either wall (I usually fall asleep on my right side, wake up flat on my back, and then turn over to my left side for a little equal play, and then go back to my right side for any cuddlings with humans and pets). This was the sweet, sweet sleep of dreams, though. And with little to no hesitation. I had a little confusion about if I had washed my face (important) and brushed my teeth (even more important but I still go with face, because vanity) and it turns out I had done both. So, away I went to sleep and dreams. Sweet sleep and dreams.

This post is all about what I know is possible now.

This is what I’m doing/where I’m going for work this week:

I’m glad you asked, because this was actually a slow week. That usually means I’m only working one job, instead of two or three (or once, four). And it means that the one job I’m working – and always working – is more mellow than it is during back to school or holiday season. I’m still regularly working, but with room to breathe and eat lunch and see friends. I do that all the time now! So, the work! This week alone, for paid work, I photographed my experience in a warm bubble bath (tasteful photos only), met with a friend for a photo shoot with muffins (very fun!), made and photographed potato nachos, created a giveaway, shared Instagram Stories about funky, funky breakfast cereal, went bicycling (for work), and talked about my beauty routines.

This is where I’m going very soon..

And, how. In the very near future, I’m going on a manatee cruise, to an alligator farm that has a (safe) sloth, to MarineLand, to the beach, to Galaxy’s Edge at Disney World and to a Universal Orlando Resort. Yes, for work. Yes, I can’t wait. And yes, I’m pinching myself nearly daily now.

This is where I’m going in sleeping dreams:

Lately I’ve been writing about what my first thoughts are in the morning when I wake up. I was surprised (pleasantly) to find that the waking thoughts that plagued me a month ago, are ones I don’t even think about at all these mornings, for at least an hour. And usually only in passing.

We had a witching early morning today. Cassidy bolted out of bed at 3:51am because he was sure he had heard a kid crying. In my dream world, I had the most intense dream that we had adopted an orphaned toddler from an earthquake-stricken country. It was our first day with her and she hadn’t had a diaper change in ten hours. She was soaked through. Scarlet came with me to change her diaper and I sang the most amazing (and funny) song to the baby while changing her and putting her in warm, dry clothes. Scarlet looked at me in wonder at how quickly I was becoming the child’s mom. Later, the girl called out for “Mommy” and then told me what she had been told – that her mother was on top of a beautiful, mountain she couldn’t visit – but that her mother would always be in her heart. Then, I couldn’t stop crying in my dream and I woke up in real life to Astro and Athena barking wildly at something in the yard.

I couldn’t help but think that it was all connected – the phantom crying, the barking, the dream, the pull of the moon and the mountains, and our hearts and our lives, and how we can all be and do better. I believe this.

And this is where I’m going in daydreams, and maybe in real life too:

There’s a trip to somewhere tropical and it involves modeling in bathing suits and it’s a high reaching dream of mine, but not too too high. I think I’d be surprised if I got it, but not shocked. There’s also a a Bruce Hornsby show in a CAVE in Tennessee. I must have Googled about Nashville too much, because Facebook keeps showing me friends in Nashville. Man, a LOT of you have been in Nashville. Daydreams, as usual, heavily feature sea turtle hatchlings, northern lights, warm sun, albino moose, and the California coast. A lot of hot and cold, push and pull.

I’ve had a long history of battling with my mind, and learning to feel possible. I will probably always have this, and be learning to feel this. I’ve been thinking about how we move through and past so much thick mud and fog, and we might think about how awesome it is that we’re past it, and we’ll never have to go through that particular thick mud and fog again. Until, maybe it happens. Heartache, job loss or confusion, illness, fighting the same darn battles in that same darn brain. I believe it’s not really a relapse, though. It’s a whole new challenge and opportunity. Maybe it feels worse, at first, to be right where you said you’d never be, but once that mud and fog clears – even more brilliant and clear than ever before – you’re in a whole new, unique place.

Scarlet once said: “Ok, everyone. I’m holding a raffle. Winner gets to go through my Imagination Portal, into my Imagination Land, and into the Gemstore – which I run – to pick out one of my gemstones for free.” And I thought, “Yeah, that’s a place I’d love to visit for a lifetime.” Back and forth, through and in and out of dreams and spells and naked reality too. Learning to swing, from one realm to another, rung by rung, higher and higher, lower and lower, head in the sky, toes dipping in the water, and, well, that will show you that anything is possible.

I’m linking up with Finish The Sentence Friday (FTSF) for a challenging prompt. This week’s topic is “Photo Prompt: Where Are You Going?” And there’s time to write yours. Link up HERE.