Actually, you might not know. Sometimes I don’t even know. The Finish the Sentence Friday prompt this week is, “Hey, June” to the tune of “Hey, Jude” and there are all sorts of similarities between Beatles lyrics and what happens in June.
In May, I wrote about how Scarlet got her name and someone asked me to write the same for Des. Of course, I have written it down more than once, but there’s no time like the present. I love to tell people his name – Desmond. Des. Desi. Baby Bear. Noodles. Peter. He answers to all of that. He actually has a friend at school named Peter and I joke about having the real Peter over for a playdate and calling them both Peter. “Peter. No, not you. Peter. Other Peter. Peter, over here!” I’ll be darned if I could tell you why I call him Peter. In fact, Scarlet and the cat both answer to Peter, but the dog does not.
If you’re looking for a story about The Constant and the Archbishop, you’ve come to the right place. If you’re wondering about hunky men on LOST islands, anxiety, “Hey Lucy, I’m home” and finding your grounding, binding, connecting Constant..
Desmond is a name we had thought about for Scarlet before we found out she was a girl at 20 weeks. We had thought of Scarlet before there was even an engagement ring, so trust me on this, we pretty much knew she wasn’t to be a Desmond before the ultrasound technician told us so. Desmond is a strong name. It’s not weird but can you say you’ve ever met one?? I know they’re out there but I hadn’t had the pleasure myself until I met my own Desmond. He is such a Desmond to us.
Desmond has a few meanings. Some sources say it means, “man of the world.” Some say it means, “man from south Munstor.” The gaelic meaning is “gracious defender.” The one baby book I bought says it means, “of universe and heavens.”
Cassidy and I are big fans of the show Lost. Cassidy got into it years before me and eventually we settled down to watch every previous episode ever during one particularly long and hard winter. It’s no secret that I fell in love with the character, Desmond Hume. Cassidy also loves Desmond. Nearly every tear I shed during that show was because of the love story between Desmond and Penny. I haven’t had the pleasure of seeing a love story I related more to. Our wedding was even slightly Lost themed, as well as moose and wolf and music themed. For our wedding program, Cassidy made a fake Playbill and we called it “Love” using the Lost logo. We had Dharma-themed props on the wedding tables. The character of Desmond was used in our program. Years ago, Cassidy gave me a t-shirt that said, “Desmond Is My Constant.” Little did I know how true that would one day be. On our wedding ketubah, Cassidy’s brother Sam wrote to us: “Be each other’s constant.”
“The Constant” is probably my favorite episode of Lost. In it, Desmond jumps between two time frames and is able to make contact with his “constant” – Penny, a lost love who has been searching for him for three years. It’s kinda..spectacular. In the show and in other time travel themed literature, there is the concept of the constant. The constant is something or someone that is present in both timelines. It has to be something you sincerely care about and something you can recognize. Without your constant, and without something solid to attach your mind to, your brain can short-circuit during time travel.
It’s no secret that when I was pregnant with Desmond, I started experiencing some pretty bad anxiety. I was never close to exploring the medication option, partly because I was pregnant and wouldn’t do that, but mainly because there are so many avenues to explore before drugs – yoga, exercise, counseling, etc. I started speaking with a very powerful counselor who offered a lot of support but I’m proud to say I did a lot of the healing work myself. She and I spoke about “constants” – people or places or things to focus on to pull you back from an anxiety episode and to ground you and calm you. I found this to be no coincidence that as we were searching for a baby name, we were talking about real life constants. It doesn’t just exist in time travel. It’s very real. It’s about something solid to attach yourself to, before you lose yourself. There is a way.
Sometime during or after this intense healing, I started writing the love story of how I met Cassidy. I felt so many similarities to the story of Desmond and Penny. Although we didn’t actually time travel, we really did in figurative ways. We had time gaps and places and feelings to revisit, and places and feelings to start anew. At that time, we both agreed simultaneously that we hadn’t found a baby boy name we liked more than Desmond. There weren’t really huge discussions on this. We were pretty magically on the same page with baby names. Always. Maybe a day or two after we had settled on the name, with the agreement that if something more powerful came along, we would use it – another cool Desmond theme came up.
An amazing quote from Desmond Tutu started circulating on Facebook: “I can’t for the life of me imagine that God will say, ‘I will punish you because you are black, you should have been white; I will punish you because you are a woman, you should have been a man; I will punish you because you are homosexual, you ought to have been heterosexual.’ I can’t for the life of me believe that is how God sees things.” –The Most Reverend Desmond Tutu, Archbishop of Cape Town.
And that’s how it came together. Flawlessly. Spiritually. Fully. We knew then and we know now we created a true Desmond. He’s “The Constant.” He’s “The Bishop.” As for his middle name, Blaze, Cassidy suggested it for a first or middle name before Desmond was settled on. We were married by a dear friend, Blase, and I do think of Desmond’s middle name as somewhat of a tribute to him and how awesome he is. He’s a true gift. I think Cassidy and I also love how it sounds.