5-7-9

On a side note, remember the clothing store 5-7-9? If you came here looking for info about it, I found this.

On another side note, Des and I went on a big Thursday adventure today to a mall in Connecticut where we did some damage to our wallets at Disney Store and Lush, and we boosted the economy. So what can I say, except “You’re Welcome.”

5-7-9(What can I say except that this photo of Des looks more like me than any other photo I’ve ever seen, so what does that say about me? About my tongue? About my love for Grateful Dead bears? This is me!)

What can I say except, I haven’t done that sort of mall shopping trip in a long time. And we had gift cards. Not that I need to explain myself, but man, that used to be a lifestyle thing and now it’s maybe once a year – if I’m lucky? There was even a latte involved. And I wore a dress and a jean jacket. The sun didn’t come out, but what can you say, except “You’re Welcome.” (clearly that Moana song is in my head) We’ve been geeking out on all things Pixar’s Cars. I’m OBSESSED.

With my youngest starting kindergarten in the fall, and my oldest losing her first tooth, I'm really feeling the ripples of change #life #love #FTSF #family

I’m someone who’s currently obsessed with Cars, you’re welcome. I hope it lasts. I’m someone who’s a lot of things, mulling a lot of things, considering more than one thing in more than one category, dreaming about tons of things, and I’m someone who’s prone to mood changes throughout the day – elevations and de-elevations. Peaks and rises. My temperament is rather mild, but the emotions inside are affected by everything – including the weather. Or rather, MOSTLY the weather. And too many emails, or lack of emails. Too much work, or not enough work. Too many feels, too many fears, not even tears – when I need them. I’m someone who wears red dresses on random Tuesdays, but doesn’t know how to apply makeup to save my life.

*Unless it’s lipgloss and/or mascara. Then, lives can be saved.

5-7-9

I’m someone who can probably do a lot of things, if I put my mind to it, but I’m someone who never believes I can do anything – until I do it. And then it’s not like it’s consistent and I get it and I gain that notch of confidence/experience forever. No, my confidence and beliefs are prone to the same elevations and de-elevations, and peaks and rises that my mood is. It’s just life.

It’s all connected.

This post is about all the things I’m not, though. And I spend a lot of my life proving myself wrong about things I thought I couldn’t do, and things I didn’t think I was. What I’m not, is someone who can roll with the punches. I can adapt, but it’s not an easy transition. It’s like when I walk into someone’s house at any point between November and April, and they say, “Take off your coat and stay awhile!” And I say, “I will, but it takes me awhile to adjust!” Who can argue with that? I can’t.

I take my coat off eventually, on my own time.

With my youngest starting kindergarten in the fall, and my oldest losing her first tooth, I'm really feeling the ripples of change #life #love #FTSF #family

All the things I’m not.. is someone who can roll with punches. I feel things in my stomach, by long route from my heart. It’s the shifting seasons. It’s putting down a deposit at the movie theater for Des’ 5th birthday. It’s Scarlet being so very 7. It’s my marriage being 9. See? 5-7-9. It’s hanging up Scarlet’s dresses – because she can’t yet reach the top of her closet.

It’s lost baby teeth in a tooth box necklace from the school nurse. It’s Scarlet taking showers now – washing and combing her own hair – and putting on a bathrobe “because it feels kinda awesome.” It’s the fact that just last week, I still gave her a bath and carried her “like a baby” into her bedroom because that’s what she likes. Now I do that with Des, but then I help him into 5T pajamas, because the 4T clothes look like a flood is coming. Kindergarten is coming. Freaking kindergarten.

With my youngest starting kindergarten in the fall, and my oldest losing her first tooth, I'm really feeling the ripples of change #life #love #FTSF #family

Des being 5. Scarlet being SO 7. Our marriage being 9, with no nine-year itch. I realize it’s the seven-year itch but I didn’t have it then. I’m just perpetually itchy. I get itchy from odd years and odd milestones. Adult teeth rising behind baby teeth.

Something so adult and permanent on my first baby!

There are many adult things. She has opinions – strong and smart ones – about politics and God. Equality and equity. (although she’s totally fine if she gets 30% more chocolate eggs in her Easter basket than her brother.) She can throw out some quick, theoretical punches. Life is full of these gut punches. Sometimes I roll with them, but some are too big, too one after the other, and too heavy/heady, heady/heavy. These are my struggles, and life will never stop happening – in quick, punching succession – but maybe I’ll be quicker on my feet with time. Maybe the punches won’t go right to my head and to my gut.

Maybe I’ll learn to take them, and maybe I’ll learn how to give a good one right back.

This is me linking up, as one of my favorite things to do, with Finish The Sentence Friday. This week’s topic is “All the things I’m not…” And there’s still time to write yours. Come link up with your spin on the matter: HERE.

Do you roll with punches? Did you shop at 5-7-9?

I’ve Got Kindergarten Flashback Fever

We came. We sat. We CONQUERED kindergarten registration!

I thought I was nervous registering my firstborn for kindergarten, but it turns out, I got as nervous with my second! Here's how he's rocking life in style.

I sat in the corner and set the kids up with crayons and paper. Des adorably shouted out across a long conference table, “Hi Mama!”, and his beaming voice brought smiles to other nervous parents. Were they nervous? Was it their first time? I was nervous. It wasn’t my first time. I chatted with a friend and watched several people come and go. I thought I had grace on my side but I was sitting in the back and the Registrar couldn’t see me, so she kept getting paperwork from others first. I sat.

And occasionally talked to the kids across a long table.

I thought I was nervous registering my firstborn for kindergarten, but it turns out, I got as nervous with my second! Here's how he's rocking life in style.

My friend left and the kids continued to color quietly, shout my name over a long table filled with parents, or sit on my lap at the same time. They started bickering and my nerves got the best of me. A dad who came much later than me and pushed his paperwork ahead of people waiting, then continued to ask the Registrar a ton of questions she shouldn’t have had to answer. I rolled my eyes so hard it hurt. I really hope no one saw me! It was the nerves, honestly. Someone I know and trust helped push the papers through. Des was registered rather quickly, and then we celebrated at Friendly’s. I even ate some ice cream!

I’ve been having a little trouble catching my breath since, but it’s all good. Life sometimes runs away with it.

I thought I was nervous registering my firstborn for kindergarten, but it turns out, I got as nervous with my second! Here's how he's rocking life in style.

What else can I say? This is where I discovered my PTSD with Scarlet, and it was NOT run-of-the-mill kindergarten anxiety. This was something completely different. It’s easier now, because I’ve done the work. I’m partly there and I don’t know if there’s a way to ever be fully there, but we do what we can, don’t we? It’s harder now, because he’s my second, and I was the second and sometimes I see myself in him so much, it’s like a slap to the face. And maybe that’s ok. I wish I remembered this verbatim but it was sweet and fumbling, rather than smooth-talking. I had made him lunch and I was washing the dishes and he had to stumble and fumble for words. The gist of it is that he said, “I love you so much.” I said, “I love YOU so much.”

Then he said, “I love you.. just.. I love you just in the way that you are.”

I thought I was nervous registering my firstborn for kindergarten, but it turns out, I got as nervous with my second! Here's how he's rocking life in style.

That’s when I died a little. Or a lot. Or maybe I came rushing back to life, with air filling my lungs. Again.

Today is “Pajamas Day” OR “Dress Like Your Favorite Book Character Day” at school. Scarlet found a way to do both, because her favorite book character (Scarlett the Garnet Fairy) wears a red gown and wings, and Scarlet has a gorgeous red nightgown. She paired it with wings, slippers, and a ruby necklace. She had this laid out THREE DAYS ago because she was so excited. It was the full outfit, and also a stuffie and a book. The morning was hectic with Des going to the dentist, and me trying to tally up her read-a-thon minutes and write a check to the school. Des and Cassidy left, and we got ready to go.

She had her stuffie and book waiting on the staircase to leave. We left in a puff of crazy and she didn’t realize until we were at school that they didn’t make it with us. She begged me to go home and get them. She said she’d do anything. I instilled tough love and said it wasn’t my responsibility. She begged and pleaded. I wouldn’t budge. Her friends were on the playground and she begged and pleaded with me to go see them with her. I thought she should do that on her own too. Tough love again. Finally she went, small and alone, and found them. I went home to find the stuffie and book lovingly placed on the stairs. I lost it. I burst into tears. I couldn’t catch my breath. I got back in the car and brought them to school.

I was shaking and the secretary let me in, and gave me the green light to the classroom. I ran. One of her second grade friends saw me in the hallway and waved broadly. I went in and the teacher nodded at me to proceed. One of her friends said, “Scarlet, your mom is here!” The LOOK ON HER FACE WHEN SHE TURNED AND SAW ME. It was love and relief and excitement and more love and thanks. She melted into my arms. I said, “These are for you,” and handed her the stuffie and the book. She thanked me a million times. We hugged again. I ducked out, but not before looking back twice to see her again.

Her cheeks were SO pink with happiness. I will never forget it. I bet she won’t either.

Tough love? Meh. Maybe another day. I got home and I saw that stuffie and that book, as if they were waiting for me. In one gut instinct move, I seized them in my arms and didn’t rest until they were safely nestled in HER arms. For her day.

There’s a lot of time for lessons, and maybe not enough time for LOVE. So that’s what I choose.