I Do. I Did. I Confess.

Last night I had some free time to myself, so I read over everything I had blogged for our anniversary in the past.

It’s funny how the things I wrote then – while true – are actually much more evocative and realized today. It’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy. They were mere truth seeds – powerful in their makeup and design – but not yet fully or half bloomed through. Now to be fair, full bloom takes forever or never and a day, if it happens at all. But oh – the potential and beauty! It’s thick. It can overrun your garden, and the the soil and the foundation will just expand to fit it all in. I’ve seen this.


I see this.

I do

The truth seeds were grown, with their potential and their capacity, and we hopefully have a lifetime to see them realized.

To realize them into bloom.

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The things I say today, are some things I’ve said before but I can’t even begin to tell you how true they are today. How messy it all is – like your blooming garden – wet and naked, dry and warm, always changing, always needing change, always finding a way to crack, to bend, to grow, to bloom, to rest, and to do it all again. And again. When they crack, they let the light in.

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There is just so much to say about nine years ago that I can barely write. His Converse. My hair. His hair. The Jedi Knight robe. Moose and wolf light projections on the tent. A horse and carriage? Yes, a horse and carriage. It was that or a golf cart.

Showing Scarlet and Des pictures of the horse and carriage is MUCH more satisfying. “Oooooh,” they breathe when they look at the wedding photos. Look at you!” Look at us indeed. And of course, nine years in the blink of an eye? Well, no. Not when you fill in those lightning quick years with long days of cross country driving and two pregnancies, and tons of “LOST” and “Doctor Who” watching. And this crazy journey of child-rearing. Sometimes, it’s hard. Like the know-it-alls said it would be.

And what we knew it could be.

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Those same people who tell us to hug our children tight because “time goes so fast and you’ll blink and they’ll grow up.” Well, I hug those children nearly 12 hours a day and I couldn’t possibly do it more, short of keeping them up all night. And still time will go so fast and I’ll blink and they’ll be grown. Then I might be sad. And what will I be left with? Well, other than the knowledge that I raised two great kids into two great adults? You. You are left, standing with me. This is what we planned.

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So yes, it can be tough. I think we’re hard on each other a lot, due to stress and dreams too big to fit into a world with sometimes narrowing choices. We always dreamed BIG. We still dream big. And, we will always dream big. And I’m talking big. Maybe not fly away in a Tardis big, but as close as you can get to that. Northern lights and a place where moose and wolves co-exist in relative harmony. More Bruce Hornsby nights. These are all real. And oh, what a gift that is.

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I confess that one of my most vivid thoughts on my wedding day was this: “Oh man. Will my waist stay this way after children?” It’s the little, strange things you remember. The little, petty thoughts that stay in your head. The things that don’t really matter. So it’s ok to say it did/does matter to me, and I’m happy to say that I love my waist today, like I did then.

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I confess I never had a single shred of doubt about the man I was marrying. I mean, you read this, right? No room for doubt. Cold feet in general? Yes. The whole thing was a mind trip for me. The relatives, the flying, the being the center of attention.

Although, the groom was never in doubt.

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I confess that I didn’t enjoy all of the reception much – my stomach and feet hurt greatly. However, the ceremony was one of the single most meaningful, spiritual and enjoyable 45 minutes of my life. I was in an all-around love trance.

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As I mentioned above, I confess that the choices to get up the hill to the ceremony were: on foot in silver shoes, in a golf cart, or in a horse-drawn wagon. I felt a little strange taking the wagon, but I admit it had style. In the carriage with my parents we said, “Is this really happening? Is this real? Pinch me? After all that..this..it’s happening?”

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I confess that our Ketubah was designed from the map in the movie TIME BANDITS. As it should be!

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And, that my mom made the centerpieces and when I saw my childhood favorite, Donald Duck, I broke into tears.

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And, I confess that I don’t really remember what the cake tasted like but LOOK at it! Whenever I looked around after the cake had been served, I smiled to see some of our favorite people eating chocolate moose and chocolate skulking wolves.

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I confess that we took a fun dance class at the Cheryl Burke dance studio in SF and I forgot a few of my steps at the end.

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And that there were a whole lot of us.

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I confess that I almost broke my leg during a strangely punk rock, extended version of Hava Nagila!

love

And that the song I chose for the father/daughter dance was “Drive” by The Cars. Not your typical choice, for sure, but it has always reminded me of him. “Butterfly Kisses” gives me hives, anyway.

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I confess that this photo was taken during the Time Warp. Obviously.

Rocky Horror Picture Show

And that maroon is the single best color in the world.

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I confess that we lit up a Vermont night. And late at night, we had projected images of a moose and wolf on the tent.

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I confess that there’s always a higher. I once thought love faded or turned into eventual annoyance and complacency. And I know that can and does happen, and I know I’m “only” nine years in. However, I do know there’s an alternative.

And we’re lucky.

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Does toddler Cassidy remind you of anyone?

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Happy 9th Anniversary, Love.

I’m Going To Disney World, Part 8: Princess Heaven

So, where did we last leave off? I beat my roller coaster phobia! Twice! Well, I suppose it remains to be seen whether it’s really gone for good, but when I think about the Mine Train, I only think fond thoughts. I don’t think about my stomach leaving my body, or the near-dizziness of being whipped around. Instead, I think about Scarlet next to me, Cassidy and Des with their arms up in front of us, a happy scream settling itself in my throat, and the sunset we saw coming out of the mine.

One of the greatest parts of going to Disney World - for us - is seeing princesses, meeting princesses, and getting their autographs! #travel #DisneyWorld

Just don’t ask me to go on The Barnstormer again. It wasn’t the same.


(This is NOT The Barnstormer, but it’s pretty cute.)

Where we last left off, we had gotten to Disney World early to see a quick morning show on the stage instead of at the train like we’ve seen before. Then the gates were lifted, and it was Main Street Mayhem! We had not used a FastPass for Elena of Avalor/Cinderella, because we wanted to try to race to them first thing in the morning and use the FastPasses on rides. It worked! We got right in line and it seemed like a 10-15 minute line only. It was still chilly and a bit humid. I have to be honest – I really do fangirl when I see these characters. And I can’t stop grinning! I know that we do this (mostly) for my kids..

..but it needs to be said that I could probably play Snow White or Belle if someone asked me nicely to do so?

One of the greatest parts of going to Disney World - for us - is seeing princesses, meeting princesses, and getting their autographs! #travel #DisneyWorld

Still. They’re awesome! Even Des gets starstruck!

It’s just more people to play trains with, as far as he’s concerned!

He was a little shy about Elena and Cinderella this year.

Scarlet wasn’t!

I think she smiled so hard her face almost fell off. I might be talking about myself too! They are amazing princesses, and I love the way they tell stories, references their own histories, and make everyone – kids and adults – feel special and noticed.

And like their cheeks might fall off from the smiling? Yes.

One of the greatest parts of going to Disney World - for us - is seeing princesses, meeting princesses, and getting their autographs! #travel #DisneyWorld

One of the greatest parts of going to Disney World - for us - is seeing princesses, meeting princesses, and getting their autographs! #travel #DisneyWorld

Then we did the Under the Sea ~ Journey of The Little Mermaid ride, as we do every year. And you can’t go there without meeting Ariel, right? Well, Des wasn’t so sure, but Scarlet certainly was!

And me! So much!

Her face just kills me here, there, and everywhere. She even got that look on her face for the non-human, non-princess superstars. Minnie Mouse and Daisy Duck were pretty awesome too! This was the first year she filled up her autograph book.

I’m SO GLAD I got in these photos. I should tell you that there’s a mix here of photos from my camera, my phone, Cassidy’s phone, and a few (the rollercoaster and some upcoming Belle ones) that were taken by Disney photographers. I should also tell you that since these photos were taken, I have learned to pair a LulaRoe Carly dress with a belt. What does that mean?

Absolutely nothing. I just needed you to know! Sheesh.

After a lot of princesses, one roller coaster, and lunch in Fantasyland, we waited for the next performance of “Enchanted Tales With Belle.” That’s definitely a “must see” in Walt Disney World. This was our second year in a row. My three family members participated both times, while I sat out to take pictures or video. The special effects are amazing, and the kids get souvenirs too! Maybe next year I’ll be in the play, but it’s so much fun to see all the kids perform for Belle.

One of the greatest parts of going to Disney World - for us - is seeing princesses, meeting princesses, and getting their autographs! #travel #DisneyWorld

One of the greatest parts of going to Disney World - for us - is seeing princesses, meeting princesses, and getting their autographs! #travel #DisneyWorld

Next up, shows, parades, sweets, treats, bubbles, fun!

See ya then!