It’s Time for Truths & Lies – Job Edition!

UPDATE TIME! AND I WILL ELABORATE BELOW IN BOLD. Some of you were right and most weren’t exactly right. The TRUE stories are #1, #2, and #5. #3 and #4 were false.

And I’ve been wanting to write this one for awhile. I have some doozies in my memory banks.

It’s been quite the week or two. I’ve had big jobs and nerve-wracking appointments. I’ve had whiny kids too. I needed to post something funny. I needed to post something that I didn’t have to upload 100 photos for. I needed to post something that will show you that I’m meant to be a photographer/writer, and not much else. And I’m hoping these stories won’t change your opinion of me. As you know, some of them are true. All I can say is..youth. It will really bring out the youth-iness in you.

And you may like it.

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Photo & Video Sharing by SmugMug

(This was my first time meeting this man – above.)

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Photo & Video Sharing by SmugMug

The second man (above) too, for that matter. All of these photos bring me back to a simpler time in life. A time in which I was trying many jobs out – some to gain experience and most to gain money, or to combat boredom. Or to finally move out of my parent’s attic. Or something! So I have compiled for you, a collection of five “fantastic” job stories that happened to me.

Three are true as can be. Two are false. Can you guess which ones are true and which are lies?

1. Did you know I used to deliver pizza in college? Well, I used to deliver pizza in college. Honestly, it deserves its own post, in the least. It deserves its own chapter in my autobiography, I’m sure! I delivered for a local place one summer and for Domino’s the next summer. This happened during my first summer – a summer of no uniforms. It was a dark and stormy night (no, really) and I had a delivery out to a remote farm in the darkness. I was a little apprehensive and I was checking the address for any special directions but couldn’t find any. When I got to the farm, I figured I was in the right place because there was no one else for miles. No one else to hear me scream. No lights on. No sign of life. Nothing. I went to the first door I saw and the door was boarded up. (shouldn’t I have left by then??) So I went around to what looked like a front porch and I made the tiniest sound by stepping on a twig. HOLY CRAP! Instantly I was thrown backwards and pinned to the ground by not one, not two, not three, but four German Shepherds. One even took my arm in his mouth but he didn’t bite down. Suddenly lights flooded the front porch and a man came out, called off his dogs, and helped me up. He felt horrible, I could tell. He thought I would be later so he hadn’t turned on any outside lights – I guess my timeliness didn’t always pay off with pizza! I had bruises from the impact for weeks.

TOTALLY TRUE! AND IT WAS PAINFUL. THE BRUISES WERE UGLY. I’M JUST GLAD NO DOGS BIT ME.

2. Out in California, I went to a staffing agent because I was desperately seeking work. She set me up at a training institute for life coaches in the foothills past the Golden Gate Bridge. People could bring their dogs to work and we used to have a group therapy/meditation session weekly, in lieu of..you know…staff meetings and all. I was in Operations with a girl who had been there for five years and hated it. I used to pretend I smoked so we could go out on the roof and look at the mountains in those 110 degree days. After I realized that everyone there was totally bat-sh** crazy, I gave my notice. The next day, my friend gave hers. Things got UGLY fast and it became almost an abusive working environment with everyone always down our throats for everything we did. So one day, without warning, I turned to my friend and put my finger to my lips. Then I quietly put all of my belongings in a paper bag. This company was obsessed with cleanliness so I put an already near-rotten banana deep within a desk drawer. Then I said I was going on lunch, waved goodbye to everyone, and walked out to my car – laughing and near crying maniacally. You probably already figured out that I never went back. They even mailed me my last paycheck a week later.

100% TRUE. I ALWAYS DO WONDER HOW LONG IT TOOK THEM TO FIND THE BANANA!

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(Who knew that this girl was capable of leaving a job in the middle of a workday with no warning?!)

3. Before the lifecoach training institute job, (which sounds really funny when you say it) I worked a corporate job in New Jersey for four years. I was in software and hardware. After I left, I moved to California but I still had so many family, friends and co-worker ties to New Jersey. I decided to have my bachelorette party/bridal shower in New Jersey one frigid winter’s weekend. We started with dinner/dessert at The Melting Pot, where my sister presented me with..penis everything. (sorry if I offend) Penis straws, balloons, necklaces, you name it. The after party was at an 80’s dance club where I had to wear a tiara and a penis necklace. Then we went to a friend’s house for the after, after party. One of my bridesmaids had become a manager at my old workplace and someone (me!!) had the bright idea to “break in” to the office with her key and have the rest of our party there. At 3:00 am. Well that was a blast and a half! We tried to clean up as best as we could, but a few penis balloons may have been found early that Monday morning by the first people into the office. Oops! What better thing to find on a cold Monday..?

FALSE! THE PARTY REALLY HAPPENED AS I SAID, BUT WE DIDN’T BREAK INTO MY OLD OFFICE! WE STAYED AT MY FRIEND’S HOUSE FOR THE AFTER, AFTER PARTY.

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Photo & Video Sharing by SmugMug

4. I used to work as a school photographer, way back when. I was “promoted” to class photographer and I had to lug around about 300 pounds of equipment for 5:00 am call times – a medium format camera, lighting, light meters, and the dreaded risers that the kids would stand on. One morning, a little kid couldn’t take it I suppose, and puked on my risers! There was no janitor to be found and I was so horrified and phobic, so I bribed my ever-hungry co-worker that if he cleaned it up, I would buy him lunch anywhere he wanted! He said, “Heck yeah!” I still remember him bringing the risers outside and hosing them off on the blacktop. Luckily he went easy on me and chose a diner for his lunch, but I could swear I still smelled it for a week after that!

FALSE! I REALLY DID HAVE THIS JOB AND I HAD HEARD OF THINGS LIKE THIS HAPPENING, BUT IT DIDN’T HAPPEN TO ME. I’M SURE A JANITOR WOULD HAVE BEEN AROUND!

5. In San Francisco, I had one job that I loved – I was an Innkeeper of an urban B&B. Isn’t that sexy? We were a special sort of place with high amenities and low rates and we were near two major hospitals so we had a lot of repeat guests who were visiting or undergoing treatments. I had a favorite family. One night I was in the office eating one of our prized quiches for dinner. I was standing in the office when I heard a noise like a freight train. Then the plate I was holding started shaking uncontrollably. I thought I was shaking uncontrollably! I ran into the kitchen where everything was falling and clinking around. I guess I was supposed to be some sort of hero, right? Wrong. It was my first earthquake! I think? All I know is that when my favorite family came into the kitchen to check on me, I ran right into the mother’s arms and stayed there for five minutes.

And they were from the Midwest – and probably as bewildered by an earthquake as I was!

TOTALLY TRUE! EVERY WORD OF IT. AND IT WAS SCARY.

Now tell me, which three are true and which two are false? Check back here over the weekend and I’ll update!!

About Tamara

Tamara is a professional photographer at http://tamaracamera.com/, a mama of two, a writer/blogger at http://tamaracamerablog.com and a nearly professional cookie taster. She has been known to be all four of those things at all hours of the day and night. She is a very proud contributor to the book, The Mother Of All Meltdowns. http://themotherofallmeltdowns.com. After two cross country moves, due to her intense Bi-Coastal Disorder, she lives with her husband, daughter and son in glorious western Massachusetts.

Comments

It’s Time for Truths & Lies – Job Edition! — 156 Comments

  1. This is fun! If #3 is not true, please don’t tell me, because it would break my heart. Shatter it. Into tiny little pieces all over the Pacific Northwest. That is the best work story ever.

    I am going to guess that #1 is also true. (That is SUPER scary, by the way.) I’m not sure about the others. They all sound very believable. And I am also very gullible.

    • ha! Well I always tell people that you can email me your guesses and I’ll tell you if you’re right or not. Or you can wait until the weekend too – whatever you want!
      I’m so glad all of my stories sound believable because they aren’t all true!!

    • Now that I’m updating, I can tell you that #3 is not true. I’m so sorry! Most of it is, but we didn’t really break into my old office!

  2. Dang, I read your How I Met Your Father story but I don’t remember what you did, except that you worked for a place on the east coast and Cassidy was your client from the west coast. Idk..Imma guess 2 and 3 are false only because they go together and sound cult-ish and you don’t seem like the type who would leave a rotting banana in the back of a drawer. πŸ™‚ But I could be wrong and they were all very entertaining. Can’t wait to find out!

  3. Ayeee I’m at a huge disadvantage as I’m just getting to know you as a friend and blogger, Tamara! Please know I absolutely LOVE these kind of posts!!! I was going to respond tomorrow but I kept coming back to it before calling it a night. I would/could blow up your comment section because I have so many comments/thoughts here. I liked #1 the best. But, ironically I went through the process of elimination. Purely speculative. I’m eliminating #1 and #3. #1 because I just don’t see that happening to you but it’s such a cool story. And #3 because if it was truly cold those penis balloons would not still be inflated ha,ha! *wink* Gawd, I can’t wait for the followup! πŸ™‚

    • You can also email me your guesses and I’ll tell you before the weekend! I started doing that for people who were traveling and were dying to know. I do these series quite a bit and I always have themes. They’re fun!
      And reading the guesses makes my day. I’m so happy everyone has different guesses because it means I’m a better liar than I even knew! And I always say fiction is my weakpoint..

    • You’re half right! #3 is false. We did have a fun and wild party, but no corporate office break-ins. And it was February..so you’re right about the cold!
      And #1 is totally true. Every word. And it was really scary.

  4. Ha ha ha – I am LOVING all these pictures!!…and penis balloons πŸ™‚ I’m guessing number one and number three are false. Can’t wait to find out you naughty girl!!

  5. I’m going to go with #1 and #5 being false – ish. πŸ˜‰

    I have quite a few work story doozies too. TOO MANY. But none involving penis balloons, thankfully.

  6. Oh man, I’m terrible at guessing stuff like this, but I really hope that pizza delivery story isn’t true. That is crazy! And about that rotten banana… one year in college I worked as an RA, and I had a set of roommates who weren’t getting along and one decided to move out at the semester break. But get this — just to screw over his roommate (who went home for break before him), he smeared tuna fish into in radiator grates, cranked the heat up to high, and moved out. Is that the most disgusting and jerkiest thing you’ve ever heard? I think his evil plan failed — a janitor must have smelled something and gotten in there to clean it during the break — but wow… that is some serious hate for your roommate!

    • I am laughing out loud! That is a horrible, horrible thing to do. Although if you read my last truths/lies post about college, you’ll know that I threw onions into my roommate’s closet. Stinkin’ onions!

  7. I just know my guesses will be wrong! But I think being the innkeeper at a B&B in San Francisco would be so neat that I hope that one is true! And this sounds crazy, but I’ve always wanted to feel an earthquake. Not a crazy bad one, just a little one.

    • I actually slept through an earthquake in SF once, but not a rare small one in Jersey. And we had two in New England since we moved here. Small ones, but I was oblivious to them. Not sure why!

  8. I’m going to go with #2 and #3 as false, the others appear to be true based on the level of details you provided. πŸ™‚ I’m excited to know the answers! haha πŸ™‚ Happy Hump Day Tamara! xoxo -Iva

  9. You’re so good at this–it’s so hard to tell what’s true and what’s not. I guess I will have to go with #2 & 5 and the false one, but I really have no clue!

    • ha! Thank you! I always joke that I want to write a book that is called something like, “My Job Is Worse Than Your Job” and it’s a compilation book.
      I will say that all of these jobs are true, even though the stories aren’t all true. And even the false ones…are somewhat based on reality.

  10. You’ve had much cooler jobs than I have! I’m going with 1 and 2 as false, the rest as true. But really I have no clue. I am really bad at detecting lies (which is bad), but I’m also bad at telling them (which is good).

    • Much cooler..or much crazier. I do have to say that all of these jobs are very much real, even if two of the stories don’t exactly check out. So probably I’m just a good liar because I’m drawing from reality!

  11. I hope that numbers 1 and 2 are false, lol! From the German shepherd attacks to the hostile work environment, they both sound rough! These are all great stories to look back on and say ‘I survived…literally! lol

  12. You are good!!! I think that #1 is false but beyond that I’m stuck!!! I love this post and truly enjoyed reading all of these stories. I think you should definitely write a book!

    • haha, thanks! I do want to write a book about crummy jobs called “My Job Is Worse Than Your Job: A collection of the humiliating, miserable and just all around boring jobs we have held.”

    • Thanks! The photos were all 4-5 years ago so I look so…awake. Youthful and dewy.
      Whether or not the Innkeeper story is true, the job really happened! I LOVED it.

    • I think I do too! Even though two of them have had their truths stretched, all five backgrounds are dead on. These jobs and scenarios are (mostly) real.

  13. You are a very talented writer! I’m going with #3 and 4 being false. Because I really hope 3 is false…and 4 just doesn’t have as much detail as the others….

  14. I love when you do these!! I think that #1 is definitely false. I’m torn about which I think is the other false one, but I’m going to say #2. (or #4, or maybe #5). I believe everything about #3 except maybe the party at your former office part. Hmmmmm – I don’t know! #1 and one of the other ones! πŸ™‚

    • haha. I’m laughing because there’s probably something a little bit odd and unbelievable about all of them, and yet..three are true. The other two aren’t far from the truth, though!

  15. Oooh! This was fun. I thnk 1 and 5 are false. At least I hope you were not delivering pizza. Your photos are so fun and remind me of simpler (and poorer) days! Ah to go back in time. Can’t wait to see if I am right!

  16. I’m so bad with these things. I’m guessing #1 and #5 are false. Yes? No? As I said, I stink at this sort of thing..

    • You don’t stink at this! It’s meant to be tricky. There is one person who actually guessed the right ones as false so far. Stay tuned to see if it’s you!

  17. All I can think is that there is no way you actually delivered pizzas…and that surely you didn’t really walk on on a job….in the middle of a day….LOL. Ha! But I really like the pictures of the people in the first two photos. I bet you’re a blast to party with!!

    • ha! I really did deliver pizza! For two summers! That doesn’t mean I was pinned down by four large dogs, but hey, stranger things have happened.
      I can be totally not fun to party with, but in the right mood, they’d call me “Fake Drunk Tamara.” I liked that nickname.

  18. Let’s see… I know that the pizza delivery was true from a comment you made before – maybe the Oscars ? But I really hope the one with the bad smelling banana is true. Mad props.

    • Ah, you are observant! I have totally talked about that one before..but shh..
      One of the others was also mentioned in my blog, but ages ago.
      I’ll take those mad props! Unless that story is false..

  19. I’m not buying the pizza delivery girl (though the tips you would get would be brag worthy) and the earthquake. But I don’t even care what’s true and what’s not, these are all great stories! I LOVE this post, so refreshing. Just what I needed for a good laugh ;]

    • Are you not buying the four german shepherds thing or the whole pizza thing in general? Because it’s totally true that I was a pizza girl! For two summers! The tips were off the hook because I was 19 and people were often drunk and/or stoned late at night when I delivered.

  20. Well, you are good at what you do because I could believe all of them. I would love the 80s dance party, so I’m hoping that one is true. I’d guess no on the life coaching institute, but hey, crazier things have happened. I’ll tune in and see – fun idea:)

    • Well not to give hints, but most of these stories are mostly true. Like 80% true. So I really was a pizza girl, but did I get attacked by four dogs? I really was an Innkeeper but did I experience an earthquake on the job? I really did work at the lifecoach place, but did I really quit without warning? I really did work as a school photographer, but did I bribe someone to clean up puke for me? I really did have a crazy bachelorette party, but did the penis balloons happen at my old workplace?
      So all of these stories are at least partly true!

  21. If a pizza delivery gal ever shows up at my door with a penis balloon and German Shepherds we are gonna chat! Btw…when a guy passes out on the couch you are supposed to lipstick up his face, put whipped cream in the palm of one hand and set the other one in a bowl of warm water, Tamara! πŸ™‚

    • haha! I know! I was off my game that night. It was a week or so before we moved cross country so I was nervous. With a better night, I would have drawn a penis on his face!

  22. No idea which are true and which aren’t. The bachalorette party is hilarious. I wish there would have been a camera for the first people who walked in. LOL!

  23. I don’t think #4 is true–everything else isn’t giving me strong vibes either way! All penis everything?! I find that so hysterical because I can giggle at it but I know in real life that would make me SO uncomfortable. Is it weird that I can totally see you delivering pizzas? Maybe not. You have got me all confused!

  24. My guesses are all over the place really…but I’m going to just say #1 and #5 as being the “doctored” stories. Having been attacked by four large canines is just too good to keep out of a blog for so long! And I still remember how freaky it felt when we had those minor little earthquakes a few years ago here on the East Coast…so I could see why you’d run into a perfect stranger’s arms. Guess I’ll just have to wait for the weekend to find out the truth!

  25. I have no idea!! you’ve made them all sound so ….real! If the penis one is not true I will be very upset, because that’s just awesome. Pizza delivery? perhaps too dark and stormy and guarded by big ferocious dogs? Darnit – that’s a great one I hope is true too.

    • haha! Well whether they’re true or not, I really was a pizza deliverer (and the rest of the jobs listed) and I really did have penis balloons at my bachelorette party!

  26. I think I suck at guessing games! Argghh, hahaha but I’m guessing #2 and #5 are false? I can be totally wrong! LOL! I always play this game with my trainees in class and I’m always terrible! HAHA

  27. Oh gosh I’m horrible at guessing! I’m so gullible that I wouldn’t be able to guess which ones are true and which ones aren’t. I did, however, enjoy all of the stories. I can’t want to find out which ones are true/not true! πŸ™‚

  28. 1 and 4 not true! God this is hard! But you know what’s harder? Imagining you doing those stuff! For some reasons, I have always imagined you as prim and proper LOL I have no idea why that’s my first blogger impression of you!

  29. I think that the pizza story and the photography story are false. I know that you are a photographer but things I’ve read in the past make me think this one is false. And for the pizza story I just don’t see a pizza place delivering to someone that far out. But I guess we’ll see. πŸ™‚

    • I will let you know! I will say that all of the stories are at least 80% true or so. I just changed some of the endings and details. So yes, my life was weird for awhile.

  30. These are so tough. I can never figure out your lies because you are so good. I would have to go with #2 because I just can’t see you leaving that banana in the desk. I actually walked out of a job in the middle of the day as well and I felt great about it. I also thin #4. While I think you wouldn’t want to clean up something is telling me you made this one up. I’ll just have to wait and see which it is. πŸ™‚

  31. These are tough. I just don’t buy the parties in #3 but each of the others…I don’t know. I guess I’d have to say #1. I’m way overthinking this and can’t wait to read your answers!! Nice job!

  32. Hey beautiful lady! LOL! What fun! I am gonna guess 2, 3, 4, true and 1 & 5 false…though I think working a B&B would be lots of fun…especially somewhere with nice weather! I can’t wait to see your answers. Hope you are having a great week!

    • Hello!
      I will tell you that I really did work in a B&B, whether the earthquake hit there or not.
      Hope you’re having a great week! Looking forward to your #AAF tomorrow!

  33. All of these are awesome job stories, but I”m going to guess that #3 and #5 are false. Not sure why I picked those, just going on instinct! You tell a good tale, that’s for sure!

  34. OHMYGOSH I just can’t PICK!!! I loved every one of those stories and i swear I just swoon over your pictures!!! You are just so beautiful and adorable and I SO want to be one of those friends laughing with you!!!

    I am going to guess the B and B one false and perhaps the pizza delivery one… ?????

    SO fun to read this post T!!!

    • I do promise that three are true and two are false, however, you are right in that they all COULD be true because the two false ones are mostly embellished and pieced together from very real stories.

  35. Love these. I’m going with 3 and 5 as false. I think? Total wild guesses. I did quit a job in the middle of the day once. I was working at Banana Republic and just couldn’t take it anymore. Told my manager I was quitting. He asked when, I said now and walked out. Best feeling ever.

    • haha! I kinda love these stories. Sometimes situations are just so bad..you have to stand up for yourself, right? If my #2 story IS true, let’s just say that my mom was proud of me.

  36. Ok this time I think I’m going to be right and choose #4 and # 5 as false. For #5 it might be part true but you didn’t work there, you visited there? And #4 as tiny as you are I can’t imagine that you could carry that much equipment. I can barely carry my husbands backpack. Plus there’s no bribe in the world that I think you could get someone to clean up the barf. Sooooooo – you can hit me up behind the scenes like last time, if you have time πŸ˜‰

    • Oh no, I really was an Innkeeper, whether or not the earthquake happened! And I assure you I really did carry all that equipment and I think I permanently damaged my knee. Email me if I don’t catch you! I’ll probably update it on Sunday/Monday.

  37. Oh my goodness. I have not laughed this much while visiting a blog in a long time! Tamara, you have totally made my night! I enjoyed each one of these stories. Honey, you should write a book! I was so amused you could tell me each of them were true and I’d believe you lol. That vomit was gross though. While I hope that one wasn’t true, I think maybe #1 and #2 are false. I’m going to check back and see if I’m right. Ahhh, the suspense of it all!!! Can’t wait to see the answer lol.

    Great post, Tamara!

    • hah! I’m so glad to make your night!
      I really do want to write a book about bad jobs. I think I would need many contributions. We all have these stories!

  38. I say #2 and #3. I hope I am right about at least one. I just love all the photos, of course! πŸ˜€

    Is the blond guy in the first couple of pics someone famous? He reminds me of someone…

    • You nailed it. And it’s funny because I have totally written about it before so I was expecting someone to notice. I think it was only you and someone else. However, I wrote about it years ago..
      Eagle eyes!

  39. Pingback: The Beauty In The Sick Day. | Tamara Like Camera

  40. Okay, so I read these after you posted the true/false answers, but I thoroughly enjoyed reading them all! My favorite was the banana one. That is hilarious, and I can see myself laughing maniacally all the way out to my car, too.

  41. Pingback: Maybe You Should Quit Your Day Job. - Tamara Like Camera

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