I’m a Little Broken, and That’s Ok

I mean, where would I even begin?

I have a history of an anxious mind. I have Gone Days. I have a Fever. I have PTSD. I have The Curious Case of Crying During Benjamin Button. Take your pick around here. I’m nearly wide open. There are pieces of it scattered throughout this blog.

And it’s rather fun to find it again. Easter eggs.

You can throw in how I sometimes feel so much, that I feel nothing. It’s broken down and bottled up, or broken up and bottled down. Sometimes there’s only a second of difference between the two. I have that nearly invisible inch between feeling nothing and feeling everything. I know what it’s like to have your heart pound and your stomach in your throat at nearly invisible triggers – tied by nearly invisible string – trailing between these nearly invisible miles – for days, weeks, months and years – into oblivion. Always invisibly tied to you – the tether – while sailing off in some distant galaxy or two.

It’s ready to hurl back and trip you at any moment. I get that.

I'm linking up with Finish The Sentence Friday. This week's topic is

I know the way your heart can wrap around a missing person you only ever almost knew. I know what it is to be completely bowled over by love, and to only have it happen the tiniest amount of times. Of so many faces.. in so very many places.

It’s sort of amazing the way it only happens once or twice a lifetime?

I also know the truest feeling of heartbreak – it’s like an endless dark cloud over you – and your life can be going amazingly, which it has a way of doing when you’re less invested in outcomes, but you still feel like you’ll never be happy again.

Don’t worry. You will be.

I thought so long about which of my broken stories to tell you. Which one to choose? Where to begin? Then I realized that I’m sort of just one big broken story, and that’s ok. I’m proud of my breaks – I wear them proudly with their sloppy bandages and flimsy casts. All the while, the bone and the flesh has a way of forming and stitching itself back up again. When did I feel most broken? I couldn’t pick one time, but sometimes those inner demons make it harder to fight the ones out in the world, and the ones out in the world distract you from fighting the inner ones at the core. They arrive. You rise to meet them.

broken

To let yourself be broken is the key to putting yourself back together again. You don’t even have to go it alone. All the King’s horses and all the King’s men are gonna try to put you back together again. You just have to find what works.

Being broken means you’re alive

Being broken means you’re growing

Being broken is going to fuel you

Being broken means you’ll understand yourself and the world better

Being broken means you’re going to put yourself back together

Being broken means you’ll meet a new version of yourself

I’m linking up with Finish The Sentence Friday. This week’s topic is “I felt the most broken when..” You can link up HERE.

When did you feel it the most?

About Tamara

Tamara is a professional photographer at http://tamaracamera.com/, a mama of two, a writer/blogger at http://tamaracamerablog.com and a nearly professional cookie taster. She has been known to be all four of those things at all hours of the day and night. She is a very proud contributor to the book, The Mother Of All Meltdowns. http://themotherofallmeltdowns.com, as well as Stigma Fighters Anthology (volume 1), and The HerStories Project: So Glad They Told Me. She is also a proud Community Lead/QA Reader with Sway, and a regular contributor to the SoFab Food blog, and the Target Made Me Do It blog. After two cross country moves, due to her intense Bi-Coastal Disorder, she lives with her husband, daughter, son, dog, cat, and 11 chickens in glorious western Massachusetts.

Comments

I’m a Little Broken, and That’s Ok — 24 Comments

  1. I think we all have those moments when we feel a little broken. But sometimes those moments are an opportunity to grow. Other times they’re heartbreaks that will just always be a part of us. Hugs to you!

  2. Aw, I have had those moments, too and honestly I just sometimes have to go with it to get to the other side here. But thankfully always do seem to find my way out in those types of moments. Major hugs and here is to an awesome holiday weekend now!! 🙂

  3. I love this “Being broken means you’ll meet a new version of yourself”. It is so true and we have all been broken before. You are so good at putting it into words. Breaking is so painful and can really be devestating. Hugs to you too!

  4. Ah!! This was just beautiful !!

    I so agree with your thoughts. Broken no doubt breaks our spirits but tests the limit of thy man!!
    Makes him go an extra mile…

  5. Beautifully said! I’m glad all the kings horsemen put Tamara back together again:) Ironically I wrote yesterday about feeling lost, not really broken, but always on a path to reinvent myself….sisterly identical minds!

  6. Gosh we are all kind of broken stories aren’t we? I like that. The breaks mean growth I guess. If my life had a play list Tom Petty would always need to be in it.

  7. This resonates so much with me. I took about a week off from social media because my depression started kicking in again. I am feeling so broken right now but realize that it’s seeing my friends/family post uplifting things that helps me. We can surely put the pieces back together again.

  8. Thank you for this. It boosted my spirit and helped me remember that being broken is the universes way of giving us a kick in the ass we need to reinvent ourselves

  9. I went to Toronto, then I went away again this weekend, and now I’m so behind on blog reading! I’ve missed your voice, that’s for sure. It’s taken me a long time to embrace my “brokenness”, and I still have a hard time with it many days. But the truth is that I am who I am because of the good and the bad. I don’t always love who I am, but most days I’m okay with me.

  10. I’m a little damaged and I have no problem admitting it. I love that Tom Petty Song. Being broken does mean you are alive, willing to grow and it defiantly fuels me to do my best every day. This is a great post. thank you for always being honest and sharing so much of yourself with all of us Tamara.

  11. Your piece reminds me of a quote I adore by Leonard Cohen – “There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.” The brokenness is what leads us all toward process and process. Thanks for sharing this vulnerable post, Tamara. xo

  12. I definitely know this broken feeling. I think the light and strength comes with putting yourself back together again, then looking back and admiring how you got through it all!

  13. I knew it. I JUST KNEW this one would gut me… And it did. I’ve been waiting forEVER to read this- because life is absolutely insane right now. I’m SO glad I saved it.

    Tamara, your gift with words as evolved into this magic, this wonder- like never before. The way you paint these portraits of brokenness is breathtaking and real and true and well, just so vividly described- I felt the need to hold my breath while I read it. To me, that’s when I know I’m captured- enthralled – mesmerized.

    When you go ‘here’- you get me every time. God, I love that.

    Gotta share this…

  14. “To let yourself be broken is the key to putting yourself back together again.” This is the real deal. But we have to be willing to LET ourselves be broken. So often we don’t. We pull our masks on and never deal with the real real. Thanks for going there and gently encouraging us to do likewise, Tamara.

  15. I agree with what Kenya said – you share your brokenness freely, and that is what makes you human and relatable. We are all a little broken, and your words often remind me that it’s okay. We heal, we live, we love – we go on.

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