I Used to Wish to Be Back Home Again.

Don’t panic. I’m already home again, and home right now, in so many ways.

When I was taking notes for this week’s Finish the Sentence Friday prompt: “When it comes to sharing online..” I kept writing, “I used to..” over and over again. It kept reminding me of a song. And in this day and age, you don’t always have to use your brain to retrieve pertinent (to you, at least) information. You can use Google. I like to use a mixture of both, just to speed up the process, because who has time for that? I had a beautiful song in my head, in only bits and pieces. “I used to…” “…pouring rain.” Did you know you can Google just that, slap “lyrics” onto your search, and then magic happens?

Boy, does that take me to my youth. If my youth occurred ten years ago. Ten years ago, did I share anything online? I had a boyfriend! I documented our love, but not too too much. I wanted you to know it was real. It was real. Back then, when I was listening to Guster sing about watching the pouring rain, when I used to wish to be back home again, and when I had a boyfriend, I couldn’t cyber stalk my ex, even if I wanted to stalk him. (I did) Things were happening, sure, but I wasn’t so tech-savvy. I knew what blogs were, but I didn’t use them. I used MySpace to recite long lyrics, but not to know what my ex was doing with his life. It was a blank slate, clean and almost ready to start up again, but a mystery just the same.

If we could have stalked each other online, would it have hurt all over again? Would we have found each other again earlier?

We’ll never know, will we? Life today is vastly different.

I used to have trouble sharing my feelings with even one person. I still do. Now it’s sometimes easier to share them with the whole world. I’m no-holds-barred, sometimes. I can tell you a 20-part love story. I can tell you my deepest fears, most self-deprecated quirks, and how many times I’ve fallen in love. I don’t talk much about sex, because..clients and parents, but mostly clients. I don’t talk much about politics, because.. sanity. I don’t talk much about magic, religion, or spirituality, because.. confusion. It all comes out when it’s supposed to come out. It peeks its head out of the water from time to time.

It’s a little bit subtle, and a little bit not. That’s how we do.

These days, I can write my own Currently post, choosing my own ten action words from this list, because that’s how we do:

Reading: Absolutely nothing. I went to the library today, wandered aimlessly while making my poor friend wait, and finally settled on new Judy Blume. I’m also working up the nerve to finally read the gorgeous Rare Bird by Anna Whiston-Donaldson.

Planning: My world takeover! Or you know, the kids going away this weekend, and how I’m going to spend time with Cassidy, and maybe visit my sister and baby nephew! How I’m going to pull off the next two weeks of blogging, photography, and a new data entry job. And maybe go to Brooklyn in both May and June, for various conferences and Bar Mitzvahs. Not to mention a wedding in California. Trips to see moose. Where the kids will go to summer camp, and if that great magician can do their birthday party. Cape Cod, of course. The far-reaching dreams, that loom closer. Alaska. Norway. Barcelona.

Stressing: I’ve been having stress this week. I can feel it in certain parts of my stomach and head. It doesn’t even give me the courtesy to actively think about it first – it’s all bodily memory or bodily anticipation. Things unsaid, undone and unmet.

Wishing: I wished this week for a lot of things. Most came true, (not all) but those are stories for other days.

Marveling: That Scarlet dug right into Matilda today. I don’t think I read that until later in life. That Des is funny, sweet and gentle, even at three-years-old. That Cassidy is so good at his job, and you know what? Maybe I am good at mine too.

Listening: Right now it’s to Scarlet on FaceTime with her best friend, and Des playing with something that jingles.

Traveling: Potentially to New Jersey this weekend or in two weeks. I have one of the most important photography jobs of my life coming up – baby Parker. Potentially to Brooklyn twice, and every other place I talk or dream about.

Celebrating: This week was our eight year anniversary. Eight is great! We had a dreamy dinner with dreamy music and dreamy presents. I was even a little nervous. It’s been a turning point for us – year seven of our marriage. What will be next?

Wearing: It’s this maroon shirt with funky sleeves. And leggings. By leggings, I mean jeggings. Shh…

Exercising: Almost daily! I can do an hour long walk, a class, and even more in the same day! And I’ve started running..

And that, is my list. Things I never imagined doing, much less sharing them online..

These days, you can know all about my February Disney World Trip, Animal Kingdom Part II, because, that’s how we do:

Basically.. BB-8 met fish. We all met a hippo. And fish. I like reflections. That about covers this portion.

P.S. There is a February Disney World Trip, Animal Kingdom Part III in the works too.

Linking up, as one of my favorite things to do, with Finish The Sentence Friday. This week’s ever-timely topic is “When it comes to sharing online…” And there’s still time to write yours. Come link up with your spin on the matter: HERE.

About Tamara

Tamara is a professional photographer at http://tamaracamera.com/, a mama of two, a writer/blogger at http://tamaracamerablog.com and a nearly professional cookie taster. She has been known to be all four of those things at all hours of the day and night. She is a very proud contributor to the book, The Mother Of All Meltdowns. http://themotherofallmeltdowns.com, as well as Stigma Fighters Anthology (volume 1), and The HerStories Project: So Glad They Told Me. She is also a proud Community Lead/QA Reader with Sway, and a regular contributor to the SoFab Food blog, and the Target Made Me Do It blog. After two cross country moves, due to her intense Bi-Coastal Disorder, she lives with her husband, daughter, son, dog, cat, and 11 chickens in glorious western Massachusetts.

Comments

I Used to Wish to Be Back Home Again. — 62 Comments

  1. Cannot wait for part 3 and you are really just getting me so excited for July now. Next week, I get to finally book our fast passes for the trip and it is really so close I can practically taste it right now. That said, I just have to say that no matter why you share and write online, I am seriously glad you do 😉

  2. Amazing pics Tamara! And I’m so impressed with the multiple daily workouts. Seriously, that is so inspiring! And isn’t it so interesting to think back where you were 10 years ago? I didn’t have kids, I knew my husband but we weren’t married yet.

  3. Those reflection photos are so real!!! Also, happy 8th to you and your husband. What a milestone! I can clearly remember MySpace where most of my “friends” are from the US. But I was using Friendster back then more than MySpace.. and then there was Facebook and the online world changed so, so much since then.

    • I totally remember Friendster but I don’t think I ever used it? MySpace was intense for awhile. Then Facebook came along and I was like, “Yeah right – this won’t stick.” And it did! Although I heard once that young people (teens) don’t use FB anymore and have found other methods. I still love FB for keeping in touch with a wide variety of people. It’s weird to think that ten years ago, this never existed, and these are people I would have gone my life without meeting or remembering.

  4. Hi Tamara! (I have a friend from high school who used to say all the time “Tamara rhymes with camera”.) Thanks so much for sharing my 102 verbs link! I had ended up in a rut on currently posts for a while and I knew there had to be some way out of it. I’ve had fun exploring your blog and am excited to be following along on twitter now. Also, western Massachusetts has been on my list of places to explore. I’ll have to browse to see if you have any posts about what to do there. Happy Friday!

    • I can’t believe I’m not the only one!! So many people pronounce “Tamara” a different way and I’ve heard it all. So you probably know exactly how it sounds!
      And your 102 verbs link rocks. I keep it in my folder of blogging tools. I can’t remember exactly where I first saw it but it was one of my friends who does “Currently” posts. Maybe Lisa of The Golden Spoons. Or Rudri of Being Rudri. Or Jessica Dimas of Pig & Dac. So many choices! We love it.
      Come visit, because western MA rocks!

  5. I’m so very much like you. My stress comes everywhere. I’ve been pretty calm this month however especially since I’m on vacation. I haven’t read any book of all this month and I should kick myself for that. Enjoy your time to yourself without the kids and I’m thinking I need one of that too. Can’t wait to see Animal Kingdom part 3.

    • I’m glad you’re calm! I have been for the most part too. Throughout life, though, I can get a headache or stomachache from stress. It might not be major. It could be once a month. And still, I give myself grief about it. Not cool!

  6. Hi Tamara, you do have a lot planned for this summer, it’s going to be a busy one! Stress shows itself in the strangest of ways, but at least you recognize the signs.

    I had never listened to Guster – Mona Lisa before and it sounds like something my husband would enjoy as he’s chilling in the summer. Very laid back.

    And as always I love your photos, especially of the submerged hippo. Such strange creatures.

    I hope all the work you have lined up for the summer works out perfectly for you and don’t forget to take a breath!

    xx

    • Stress is an odd duck for sure. Sometimes my stomach will take in everything during stress, but the symptoms will only show when I already feel better! It’s rare – like once every few years – but I still take note when it happens.
      Guster was a band I listened to after college – very chill, like you say!

  7. I just kept staring at that hippo pic with him in the water and his ears (ears?) peeking out of the surface. Oh how I adore that image!!

    Happy anniversary and once again I am socked in the GUT about reading your love story!! When oh WHEN will I finally get to it??!!!!

    I love how you do you. I love how you share gems and morsels and pour it all out in other ways and set boundaries and find the magic in so many moments. I love how you do life, really.

    • I’m glad you like that photo! I did too. If you don’t see the bottom, you could wonder, “What on earth is peeking out of the water?” But you already knew it was a hippo. But still!!
      One day you’ll read my story when you need to read it! I know it.
      I love how you do life too!

  8. I’m not sure if I have ever heard Mona Lisa until now. It was the perfect background music for this post. 🙂
    10 years ago… a lot has changed since then for the both of us.
    I love your pictures!! I’ve been thinking of changing up my Currently posts, I’ll have to look into some new prompts.
    XOXO

    • I don’t usually change it up, but I loved all her verbs so I decided to change it a little. Halfway, maybe.
      Guster is playing in my head right now!

  9. Excellent photos!

    Year 7 for me was the one in which i finally got pregnant for keeps. I don’t even remember what we did for the 8th anniversary. It know it was hot – August. And he was had a hurricane that year/month.

    Anyway – curious about the The Rare Bird and why you have to work up your nerve to read it.

  10. Those pictures are awesome, especially the one with the hippo. I never did get into MySpace, think I was too busy with young kids at the time or something like that.

  11. I love your photos and know you will do a phenomenal job with baby Parker! Truly! So glad you linked up and did you know that I’ve actually gotten to meet Anna (Rare Bird)? She is part of the DC Listen to Your Mother cast and the year I was in it, the party was at her house. Anyway, read the book. It’s heartbreaking but also full of hope so there’s that 🙂 Thanks for linking up!

    • I will totally read Anna’s book. I do read her blog and I know about her new adorable baby. Nothing but love for it all!
      Thanks for the inspiration for baby Parker. I get nervous!

    • haha, yes! I’m sure there are other places to see hippos, but this was super fun! I was just looking at your 42 photos from Monterey that your friend took, and enjoying them. I loved that aquarium so much.

  12. I love your words – your posts always draw me right in and make me think. The photos you shared here are truly amazing – especially the ones with the hippo. Wow.

  13. Oh, that Guster song brings me back!
    Sometimes I feel like I share more of myself on my blog than in-person, and it often means I’m surprised when a friend knows what’s going on in my life when we haven’t talked about it in person.
    I’m really looking forward to a family trip to Disney one day!

  14. So could you imagine coming upon a hippo like that in the wild? Freak out session right? I hear they can be rather mean, but this one just looked like he wanted to be friends with BB8 and the kids. P.S. your photo session with baby Parker is going to be amazing!

    • I heard they’re totally mean to humans!! Like.. scarier than lions. I wouldn’t want to be this close, but BB-8 didn’t mind!
      Thanks about my photo session!

  15. Found you through the Finish the Sentence Friday group. I absolutely LOVE your photos. Very attractive blog site as well. Multiple workouts – wow! You are inspiring me to at least do one per day. I recently had a knee replacement and desperately need to get a workout schedule going. Baby steps, I guess. Have a great rest of the weekend!

    • Cool! Are you linked up too? I’ll have to check!
      The multiple workouts thing is not every day! It’s just that sometimes I have a lot more stamina than other times.
      It’s been rainy and cool lately and will continue to be so, and I’m certainly lacking good inspiration.
      Have a great week!

  16. I could take a million pictures in Animal Kingdom! And I did, for years. Now I just look and remember. Happy anniversary too! May you celebrate many more together.

  17. It really is amazing to think about how far technology has come and how much more we share with everyone these days compared to how it was ten years ago! Some good, some bad.

  18. Wow, look at those fish. And I love how you embraced Scarlet’s reflection in the photos. So often we’re finding ways to avoid reflections. Matilda’s on T’s list. Right now we’re about to finish Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Ronald Dahl books are so much fun.

    • Thank you for noticing that! She was sitting in Des’s stroller and wearing bright pink, and I just couldn’t resist.
      Scarlet just saw the musical Matilda in Hartford! So now I have to backtrack and read the book with her.

  19. Love the photos of the hippo under water. Disney’s Animal Kingdom is such a beautiful park. It’s like the ultimate zoo experience ☺

  20. Happy Anniversary! Sounds like the perfect date, which makes them even more special memories. Love seeing the kids’ faces anytime there are animals around. I know that my kids are in heaven at a zoo…even at 22, 16, & 13! LOL! Have a fun and productive week! 🙂

  21. beautiful summary, very gorgeous pictures. much to be thankful for! my nephews just finished reading matilda and so we all watched the movie this past weekend.

    • Scarlet didn’t understand the play much because she has yet to read the book. I LOVED the book. The movie was good too, if I remember correctly.

  22. I know there was a lot of good stuff here and hello gorgeous reflections, but let’s talk about the fact that the hippo is apparently napping UNDER the water?? Because that’s an awesome talent. My baths are suddenly so basic.

  23. It’s a TANK! I was wondering if you’d gotten an underwater camera and had jumped in with her. I love that Scarlet is reading Matilda. The kids and I read it together. After that she needs to read the BFG. The movie is coming out soon and it looks awesome.

Leave a Reply