Sometimes, my mind just gets tired.
I felt hazy in the beginning of last week. Confused, muddled, disconnected, disengaged. Particularly unfocused. Every now and then my mind will try to trip me up. If I’m feeling very happy, stable and calm for too long, the dark and muddled thoughts threaten to come back. Only threaten. I wouldn’t even call them dark. Heavy. They’re heavy and they weigh on my mind and try to take away the positive. The good news is that you can’t take away the positive. Not when your heart lives to look for it.
Usually this means I need some sort of break. How convenient for me that last week was our Thanksgiving holiday.
If you call packing in four days of holiday fun with young kids a break. It was a break for my mind, at least.
Sometimes I’m in the mood to write, and it flows like there’s no end in sight from the spout that is connected to my brain. Many times, I’m not in the mood to write. It’s like a slow trickle or an annoying drip, drip. That’s always ok, to not be in the mood to write. When it feels forced or my fingers pause more than a few times between typing words, I go and do something else. Mostly though, my hands can’t keep up with my thoughts. I was at 88 wpm (words per minute) when I was in typing class in high school!
When I got in a non-writing mood last week, I was afraid it was permanent, and not just one bad mood in one bad night. Or two bad nights. Heck, a week of bad nights isn’t permanent. Words have a way of coming back. I can be tired and hazy and barely getting these words out, but I can’t stop my heart. Everything I need to say. Every idea I have. Every story I need to tell. They’re all in there and they’ll all come out. I won’t always know when, but what I do know is that they will find their way out.
I am learning this now. This is a post about being muddled, after publishing three posts I wrote DURING being muddled.
That isn’t half bad. It makes me want to dance. So I do. I take a break from writing and I dance. And here’s a video of Des discovering something very important in life. He realized that we can dance if you want to. We’ve got all your life and mine.
He’s wonderful. It’s too bad I broke him last week, during my muddled mind mess. I didn’t give him a nap when I should have and he wound up falling asleep on the hardwood floor. It was fantastically beautiful. My friend said, “You broke your baby!”
And here’s a cute bonus from when it wasn’t frigid out yet:
Since I’ve been asked to post more videos..apparently people like my shaky home movies?
See? He’s not broken at all. I didn’t break the baby and I didn’t break my mind. Even now I find myself connecting thoughts and hopes and dreams and videos that I never knew were connected. What’s inside, does find its way out. I can walk away. I can come back. I can walk away longer. I can come back longer. I walk away. I always come back. There’s always a good reason.
There are places I have found magic. There are places I will find magic.
I hope I always find this inspiration. There’s no magic potion, formula or structure, although I did study writing in college and I apply a lot of what I learned. I also can’t lose the ability to see what’s in my heart and to write about it. Writer’s block, or in my case – Muddled Mind, isn’t chronic. Just not feeling it? That’s not chronic either. It all just comes back at another day or time.
Muddled Mind is recurring, though. That’s what makes this wonderful writing world go round. You have to have the high tides to slow down in the low tides. And you need the low tides to appreciate the exhilaration of the high tides.