I’ve been in this strange sort of melancholy for the last week or so.
Something must have burst to release it, which I don’t quite understand because I was inflated by financial stress until very recently. Things went/are going fairly well in that department as I am making my way out of the bottom and I am in the middle of a huge job. And I think it’s more than that. Cassidy and I had our six year anniversary and I don’t like feeling six years gone from that day on the mountaintop. And of course, now there’s a new wedding to help plan – my sister’s wedding this fall.
We share a heart, you see, like twins that are 22 months apart. And her wedding is big to me, and when she has babies, they will be so very special to me. No one ever really prepares you for the bond of sisters. Probably brothers too, but I wouldn’t know firsthand. That bond would make me try for a third kid to think of Scarlet having a sister, or even Des having a brother.
I think Athena is fine for now.
There’s just this deflated feeling of everyone moving up. Why is that? My sister found true love. My daughter is starting kindergarten. I feel stuck, even though I’m not. I feel like I need to dig myself very far up to be what I need to be for both of them. I need to be BIG. Their journeys are not my own, but my own part in these experiences will take their own paths.
I hope I’m up to the task. I have a long way to go. I have to lift myself up out of the cold rain and fog.
And there are things to celebrate right now. This week. And I’m a bit early with one, but since I’m doing a great Ask Away Friday this week, I might not get to say what I want to say about May 11th, 2004. That was the day that things really changed for Cassidy and me. We had a semi-professional, semi-cute client/inside sales rep relationship. We talked casually at times, but I was all business mostly. I had no idea what he looked like or how old he was. I was pulled off his account when the company moved me to only Texas clients and we started talking differently for the first time. The famous question was from him:
George, could you try to look happy? You’re surrounded by greater greatness than you are. Don’t you know that? (no offense but I met you and I wasn’t impressed) No big smile or anything like that. No big warmth. And that’s what matters to me.
If you want to read the rest, which you totally do (I hope), my About Me page has the link to all 20 parts.
Ten years gone. Just like that. And lately the number has been five, with Scarlet turning five this summer. And it was five years ago this spring that we moved to Northampton, Massachusetts – a decision I have grown to love with my whole heart.
On Saturday we went to our fifth Northampton Pride Parade. It was the longest parade I think I’ve ever seen, with the march itself clocking in at around an hour. That’s long! Here are some of my favorite photos from the day:
I also saw several good friends, my kids’ pediatrician, our library, our co-op, my own general practitioner, and many more people marching.
These guys were dancing and gyrating until the parade was stopped in front of us – with our bunch of little kids up front. So they stopped dancing, which the kids didn’t quite appreciate, and just said, “Hi!” until they moved on down the parade route.
I’m not positive but this guy was dancing with another guy and I swear it was a priest dancing with a rabbi, both rainbow-clad.
An’ though the course may change sometimes
Rivers always reach the sea
Blind stars of fortune, each have several rays
On the wings of maybe, down in birds of prey
Kind of makes me feel sometimes, didn’t have to grow
But as the eagle leaves the nest, it’s got so far to go” — Led Zeppelin