I mean, I came here to do one thing – which was to write – but I found so many strange and wonderful connections instead. I found myself. I was super lost, but we’re always lost and found, lost and found, throughout life. I always think that as long as I can come here once or twice a week to say “hi” simply as myself, it’s all ok. And what can I say? I’m super muddled. I feel like I’ve been that way for a long time. Maybe this is just my life now. Maybe this is just me now. Muddled, occasionally haggard, sometimes glowing, always busy, and able to boomerang back. Sometimes the words come and sometimes it’s pulling teeth and if we’re being honest, I didn’t think there was a chance in heck I’d come here and have anything to say.
Reading: Seriously, nothing. I had an overdue library book for about two months that wound up being packed up in a box before our renovations started. I have so many books to read. You know how with some things in life, you have to hear a click to be sure? Like a seatbelt. That’s how my brain works. If there’s a click, I’m full speed ahead. If there’s no click, and maybe just some halfway one, I’m pretty much useless. I can’t do the simplest thing – like go into the basement and find a book to read. My brain is my biggest opponent. Ridiculous. The click metaphor works for all aspects of my life. LAME.
Planning: Ooh, pick me! Planning! I’m sort of terrible at it, but maybe the seatbelt clicked for this one. We’re planning our annual Disney World trip in January! Before that, we are surprising the kids with a Polar Express train ride in upstate NY (I mean.. the North Pole). There might be a hotel stay or two in all of that. I’m also co-planning.. you know.. our entire HOUSE as it gets ripped apart and put back together. Remember when the renovations start/stopped? Now they’re full speed ahead.
Stressing: Stressing? Me? Ok, you got me there. I’m always in a weird whirlwind of sweating the small stuff, and then not sweating the small stuff, but it always comes back around because I’m hard-wired in the DNA to stress the small stuff. I actually think it’s the big stuff, but don’t tell anyone. Currently, I’m more busy with work than I’ve ever been. Remember last year and earlier this year, when I was doing photography, blogging, and big boxes of data entry surveys? Yeah, that was child’s play. I’m so busy right now with blogging, photography, and my new Visual Content Management job (QA) that I actually can’t breathe sometimes. It’s a wonder I’m writing this because I have seven photo shoots to edit. Also, I stress about the apocalypse and marriage and parenting and my mid-section, but who has time to write and read that one? Not it.
Wishing: I make wishes and prayers when I’m panicked and it doesn’t happen often, but when it does, WHAM. Let’s talk about wishes, though. They’re usually made from a mid-level and sent to above. You follow me here? Prayers are made from down below – just to get to mid level. Does that make sense? I wish for things to make sense. And world peace. Health.
Feeling: Like I shouldn’t be afraid to catch feels. And in my strange inability to feel things sometimes, I wonder if there’s a way not to force the feels, but to coax them out. Last year I couldn’t feel the holiday spirit, except maybe in glimpses. I wasn’t in the waterfall of the feels, if you know what I mean. And if you don’t..let’s go right to the next one and you will:
Listening: To this little number:
Eating: Nothing at the moment but I stole a Hickory Farms Salted Caramel Chocolate (from myself) a few minutes ago. And I have my eye on the Cookie Butter OREOs upstairs (finally found them!) and having Cassidy make stovetop popcorn. YES.
Wearing: A super cool Star Wars shirt and burgundy pants.
Loving: That I was there on the last day my favorite seasonal ice cream stand was open for 2017. And when I mentioned that Scarlet was away, they gave me a free quart of cotton candy ice cream to give to my kid! Ah! I’m also loving the feel of the warmth from the pellet stove, the smell of coffee, paychecks, and all the possibilities I’ve been discovering about myself and my capabilities. I hope it’s upward mobility.. forever. That’s a reasonable request that I haven’t chosen to ignore!
Hoping: Just insert a bunch of political and weather and health things right here. That about does it for today.